Midnight Sun: the Continuation
by mskatniss
Summary: Midnight Sun is Twilight in Edward's POV. Edward meets a girl. He is intriged. The only problem is that he's a vampire and she a human who smells too good. Will it work out? Will anything happen? E/B- Vampires & Humans
1. Chapter 13 Questions

**Hello my lovelies! **

**Now this is my personal work on Midnight Sun. As some of you know, Stephenie Meyer has written Midnight Sun which is Twilight in Edward's POV. Now she stopped in Chapter 12 but every time that I read it... it always stopped!**

**So I got an idea... why not keep on going?? So I got my computer and started writing!**

**I really hope you all like it but I do have one favor to ask... Please do not copy my work. I worked really hard on this and I don't appreciate when people copyright. I know it sucks because that what made Stephenie not bother to publish Midnight Sun in the first place. Thanks for understanding everybody!**

**This will actually not make any sense if you haven't read the actual work of Stephenie Meyer! If you wanna read it, it's on her website! Go! Go read it people! If you don't want to... this is what happens up to this point.**

**Edward drops Bella off at home, after they have talked at lunch about why she can't be there when he hunts. He answered but not too happy he did... and his last thing he said to her was, "Tomorrow, it's my turn" He means his turn to ask her questions. =) **

**I really hope you guys like this! Make sure to leave comments if you do, because I will **_**not**_** publish the next chapter until I know a lot of people want it.**

**I wanna thank a really good friend of mine, Justine! Without you, I wouldn't have published this! Thanks for giving me the push I needed! =) I love ya girly!**

**See you all down there!**

13. Questions

When I finally got home, I parked my Volvo in the garage and noticed that everyone was home already. I headed upstairs where I knew Alice was waiting for me.

_Hi… _she thought sullenly.

I knew what she was thinking… unfortunately she had been thinking about this all week.

"Alice, must you always ruin my good mood?"

"Well!" she responded to my rudeness. "If you don't let me talk to Bella soon, I _will_ explode"

"Alice, I doubt you will. Besides I have bigger worries." I murmured.

_Is it about Saturday?_ She thought, concerned.

Why must all psychics be so irritating? Maybe it's just Alice.

Oh, well. Whatever the reason, Alice was most helpful to me. Especially during these times.

"Is it safe, Alice?" I whispered.

I knew her response before she spoke. And I was caught in one of her visions of the future once more.

Bella and I, in the meadow. She watched me carefully as I stepped into the sunlight directly overhead. But as I watched her eyes in the vision—for my eyes were closed—there was no fear, only… concern? Curiosity? Why must Bella—of all people—have curiosity over a vampire? This sudden question reminded me of the old hag I pictured who controlled her luck or the reckless angel who put Bella in my path.

Then the vision stopped.

"Wait, Alice! I wasn't done looking." I told her.

Her expression wasn't something I expected. It looked… embarrassed. "Edward, it's a private future. Of yours and Bella's," she said, "Not sure I want to spy on something that's not happened yet."

I barely heard of what she said last. My mind was wrapped around the words _'yours and Bella's'_. Those words should have been a warning for me to pick up the phone and cancel our plan for Saturday. But being me—and the selfish creature I am—my hand would not move… for it couldn't even think of cancelling a whole day with Bella Swan.

Just her and myself… in the meadow… with no witnesses. And the monster inside me rejoiced as it thought of that last detail.

No.

I couldn't do this to her… and to myself. I _cannot_ hurt her because I wouldn't live with myself if I did.

_Edward?_ Alice thought interrupting my mental thoughts.

"Sorry, I was thinking about the future." I assured her.

"Well, it's going to be fine. I don't see anything horrible happening." _Not unless you change your mind… _she added mentally.

And even Alice knew how quickly it would be to change a person's mind.

"No Alice, I won't change my mind. She trusts me too much."

_I wouldn't know_. She thought sadly.

"Alice," I moaned.

_I know, I know… 'Not now'._ She imitated me. _But just so you know, she's going to like me too, so there's really no point to wait… since Friday is going to come so quickly…_

"Friday?" I said through my teeth.

"Yes!" She jumped up excitedly. "Wait, you've forgotten that we're going hunting Friday?"

"No, of course not. Without this hunting trip, I don't think me and Bella can be together alone on Saturday."

"Well for us to go, I have to walk up to you and…" she stopped as if she said too much.

"Alice!"

I totally forgot about that. Alice walking up to me and Bella in the cafeteria. In public… where Alice will have to be introduced to Bella… because it would be the right thing to do.

Oh man!

I knew if I'd avoided this for a while the moment would come… if I was ready or not.

_I told you it wouldn't be long._ She thought smugly.

"Fine, Alice. I'll introduce you. But—"

"But what?" she interrupted aloud.

"But be nice… and try not to seem relieved when you talk to her." I said holding my breath awaiting her response.

Her mental response was loud and happy enough… So why did she have to ruin it and speak out loud?

"Really? You mean it?" she beamed.

I sighed. "Yes, Alice. You can talk to her when I introduce you before we hunt."

_Thank you, thank you thank you!_

I sighed again and went upstairs to change.

As I left I could still hear her mental cheers.

I passed by Carlisle in the hallway and gave him a nod hello.

_Hello to you too, Edward. How's Bella?_

"Good, thanks Carlisle." I said.

_You look annoyed. Anything I can help with?_

"Alice." I told him. From the look on his face, he seemed to understand, "And no, nothing you can help with, unfortunately."

He laughed. "Well, good luck." He said aloud. _You'll need it,_ He teased me.

I smiled at his attempt to joke and went to change. The faster I went, the sooner I'd see Bella. I left her not even an hour ago, and I'm already aching to see her again. But I'd have to wait until she'd gone to bed.

I waited by my piano just playing the new song I wrote. And when the time came to leave for Bella's, Alice came downstairs as always to see me out.

_Bye-bye! See you tomorrow!_ She smiled as I ran into the dark forest.

Bella's window is opening much easier with every time I come. And every time I _do_ come, I still feel like a sick peeping tom.

Bella looked sound asleep. She wasn't cold today—for she wasn't wrapped into a ball.

"Edward" she sighed.

I smiled as I considered the thought that she was still dreaming of me.

"Don't leave me please." she cried.

And I started to think of that.

I always knew me staying is a horrible thing for her. For my control can slip. And in that slip, she can… I couldn't even think of the word. But her plea for me to stay makes me think that even though she knows I'm dangerous, that I'm the world's most dangerous predator… she still wants me to stay.

My dead, frozen heart would have definitely quickened in pace at the thought of me staying with her forever… or until she… again, I could not think of the word.

She tossed a bit in her sleep, but always murmured my name with pleas to stay or to not leave which made me think that tomorrow would make her happy.

The thought of tomorrow made me smile. I'd told her that it was my turn to ask questions, since she is possibly one of the most curious people I've talked to—but I don't really talk to people other than my family, so that wasn't really fair. I'd think that if you just met a vampire, you'd want to know secrets about them too. I'm one of them and even I'd like to know a couple more things.

Through the night I sat in her rocking chair in the corner, looking at her sleep and listening to her, the sun came too quickly.

And with one last look at her face I ran back home to get changed for school and pick up my car to go to Bella's. Hopefully she doesn't mind this little routine that I've made. Knowing Bella, I knew she wouldn't mind one bit.

As I got home, I saw Rosalie and Emmett holding hands in the living room watching T.V. Rosalie looked up at me and scowled.

_Idiot_.

Rosalie never really liked me. And ever since I grew fond of Bella, her hatred split in two and grew stronger. And when she wasn't thinking anger toward me, she was thinking of herself and how she's better than anyone she's met.

And she calls me an idiot.

_Bro, you are pathetic._ Emmett thought. But he only says that because he doesn't see why I have to see Bella sleep every night. But I love to go see her. I can't stay away from her… even when asleep.

I looked at Alice who smiled at my arrival and knew that I was only here to change and to get the car.

_Good morning! How'd Bella sleep?_

I sighed at Alice's weird friendship for the girl she'd yet to meet.

"Good, Alice. Are you taking Rosalie's car today?" I asked

In my mind, I saw Rosalie smile and I took that as a 'yes'.

I quickly got changed and hurried to the garage, said a quick good-bye to Esme, Jasper, Alice and Emmett—Rosalie rolled her eyes every time I talked to her so I didn't bother today—and left with my Volvo.

I parked in her dad's spot on the driveway minutes after her dad left for work, and waited in the car listening to the sounds from inside.

I smiled as I saw her expression when she saw my car. She looked as if she expected me to be there and was right.

She walked straight up to my car but paused quickly before opening the door to get in. She was wearing the brown turtleneck sweater she wore before—the one I didn't like—and jeans. But it was impossible to look away from her. She could wear the simplest clothes and still look breathtakingly beautiful.

"Good morning." I said in my non-scary voice. "How are you?" I asked her that because even though I knew she slept better than before, she still had a bit of purple shade under her eyes—common thing if you're tired.

"Good, thank you." She answered as if the answer was obvious.

Again, I looked at the circles under her eyes. "You look tired."

She grimaced.

"I couldn't sleep," she said as she tossed her hair around her shoulder to block her neck.

As I looked on her neck, I started looking at her throat. Up to her chin until stopping at her lips.

Looking at her mouth made me want to move closer but I knew that was a horribly bad idea, so I decided to tease her.

"Neither could I." I smiled.

She laughed at that, seeming to get my joke. I loved the way she laughed. So carefree.

"I guess that's right. I suppose I slept just a little bit more than you did."

"I'd wager you did." I told her.

"So what did you do last night?" she asked me.

I think she forgot about what I said to her last night. Today is definitely my day to ask questions. And every time she asked a question, it led to more and I could never find things _I _wanted to know about _her_.

I chuckled. "Not a chance. It's my day to ask the questions."

Then she seemed to remember, because she grimaced a bit and her forehead creased as if she was waiting for something bad.

I decided to start of simple. But still I was still very focused because I wanted to know every detail of her life. No matter how small, or unimportant.

"What's your favorite color?"

This seemed to amuse her. She rolled her eyes and answered me.

"It changes from day to day."

Why does she have to do this to me? Why can't she give a straight answer like a normal person would?

"What's your favorite color today?" I was determined to get this answered, even if it would take a while.

She thought about it, and looked down at her sweater.

"Probably brown." She concluded.

I snorted. I was expecting something different. Then again, when did Bella ever say something expected. "Brown?" I asked.

"Sure. Brown is warm. I _miss_ brown. Everything that's supposed to be brown—tree trunks, rocks, dirt—is all covered up with squashy green stuff here." And her explanation turned to a complaint.

I looked into her eyes and thought of her strange answer. I could see that. Her being from Phoenix, and her wearing that ugly brown sweater, she had a good reason to say that. Maybe she tended to dress according to her favorite color of the day.

Then I decided on my answer.

"You're right. Brown is warm."

Then I looked at her and I spotted a hair flying out of place from her messy pony tail. I hesitated but my hand reached—without permission—and swept her hair back behind her shoulder.

Every touch was dangerous… but as much as I told myself that, the more I wanted to touch her.

This is useless!

I can't keep doing this so I decided to change the question.

I've always wanted to know this because from every time that I've been to her room, I haven't looked inside her books and CD player to know her favorites. I thought I couldn't handle being so close to her like that… but I guess I should get to know now.

"What music is in your CD player right now?"

When she told me the name of the band, I half-smiled and I reached down to the compartment in my car and flipped open the door.

I pulled out half of my CD collection in my car compartment and I handed a CD to her.

I raised an eyebrow, "Debussy to this?"

She took the CD and examined the covers, her eyes not leaving the CD and not meeting my eyes.

She gave back the CD finally looking at me.

"Shall we?" I asked once we reached the school parking lot.

I continued to question every insignificant detail of her life throughout our day. Some questions were about movies she liked and hated. Some about the few places she'd ever been and lots that she wanted to go.

When I asked her about books, we talked endlessly.

Every time I asked a question, her face gave away the feeling that she'd never really talked so much. Not just about her life… but herself. And every time I asked a question, she would look down seeming to have concern for boring me. But she could never be boring to me.

When she looked like she wouldn't answer, I just looked at her with my persuasion look and her breath would quickly stop, and she would answer as if she was hypnotized.

Most of my questions were simple. Not giving away lots on her part but when only a few would make her blush, I _had _to know why, and that curiosity brought on a whole new set of questions.

"What's your favorite gemstone?" I'd asked her while she was a bit distracted.

Before she even thought about it, she'd blurted out "Topaz."

Now I would have continued with my questions, except that when I looked down at her face, she blushed. Which made me think is she ashamed for liking a topaz? So I had to ask of course.

I tried to be persuasive since this seemed to work on her most of the time. I looked deeply in her chocolate brown eyes and said, "Tell me,"

It would have worked, but she kept her eyes down seeming to know what I was trying to do. But she answered anyway.

She looked down on her hands while she was messing with her hair while she answered. "It's the color of your eyes today," she sighed, "I'd supposed if you asked me in two weeks I'd say onyx," she continued. Her forehead creased in worry… worry that maybe I'd be mad or something.

But it was a short pause because my curiosity was far from over.

"What kinds of flowers do you prefer?" I've actually wanted to know that for quite a while.

She sighed in… relief? And she answered as we walked to biology.

I kept asking random but important questions until Mr. Banner entered the room bringing in the same movie as last time. As I remembered the last time we watched it, me and Bella had this kind of electric hum between her body and mine. So I slid my chair—unwillingly—away from her and then the lights went off.

The space between did not help. The electricity still hummed between us and I very much wanted to reach across the table and brush her hair away from her face and just move closer. Maybe I _could_ just hold her hand. Last time she looked like she'd wanted to touch me too. So hand touch wouldn't be so bad…

No.

No mistakes.

When I looked at her, she was leaned forward on our table with her chin folded on her arms and her fingers were gripping the table's edge.

She didn't look up the whole time as if fighting the urge to. When Mr. Banner finally turned on the lights, she finally looked up at me staring back at her.

I stood up and waited for her.

I walked her to gym in silence and stopped at the door.

Again, my selfish side won my internal argument.

My hand rose— again, without permission—and my fingers stroked her warm skin that covered her cheekbones. My cold hand heated and I wanted more… another touch.

And again as yesterday, I thought of a thousand different ways to touch her.

Since my hand wouldn't leave her face willingly, I had to order it.

_Enough!_

My hand left her delicate face, and I quickly turned away without looking back—because of temptation—and hurried to catch Emmett before Spanish.

"Emmett!" I yelled for him.

He looked back at me and he noticed the difference in my face.

"Hey, bro." _He looks better… maybe Bella really _does_ make him happy._

He had no idea how he was right.

As we sat in our seats I noticed Ben Cheney again and he had an unexpected gratitude toward me which just made me smile. I'd done my job right.

_I still don't like him,_ he thought,_ but I guess I owe him something. He made me realize that Angela likes me._

What he didn't know is that he doesn't owe me anything, because that was my anonymous gift for Angela. I'm just glad he appreciated the help.

Emmett looked up at me.

_Looks like Ben likes us, man,_ he thought

I chuckled

I sat back and started to pick up things from the gym… I wonder if Bella needs me to get her out today.

I picked up Mike playing pretty much a one-man badminton game for the whole period while Bella just stayed behind holding her racquet delicately behind her.

The minute Spanish ended, I hurried to Bella's gym building before she came out.

I waited and leaned on the wall across from the doors that she came out of. And the second she came out, she looked up at me and a huge smile spread across her delicate face.

I smiled in reaction to her smile. She always makes me happy the second I see her. But I remembered that my question day still hasn't ended.

I stopped the car in front of her house, and we talked for hours parked on her driveway.

I started again with my never-ending list of questions.

Some like, what she missed about her home, and I definitely insisted on details of things I didn't recognize such as the smell creosote—which according to her had a bitter, slightly resinous, but still a bit pleasant scent—the sound of cicadas in the summer, the bareness of the Phoenix trees, the size and the colors of the sky that were barely interrupted by the low mountains, that were covered with purple volcanic rocks. But I noticed that she spoke with a way that showed me she loved it… I mean _really_ loved it. I had to know why it appealed to her so much. So when I asked, it was weird to see her expression… and expression of uncertainty. But when she explained why she liked it so much—the beauty that really doesn't depend on sparse, spiny vegetation that often looked half dead. A beauty that also had more to do with the exposed shape of the land with the shallow bowls of valleys between the craggy hills, and also the way they held on to the sun—I finally understood.

I kept asking questions, more about her home.

My last question to her was about her room back in Phoenix, and I made her explain every single detail of it.

But after she was done, I paused for a moment, looking out at the night sky. It was really beautiful. But I never knew why I never really noticed the sky before… maybe because when Bella was with me, I looked at everything in a different perspective.

She looked at me in relief and said, "Are you done?"

"Not even close—but your father will be home soon."

Her eyes suddenly popped out seeming to forget about her father until now.

"Charlie!" she sighed.

She looked out the window for a moment and wondered out loud, "How late is it?"

I looked at the sky again and I remembered the last time I used the hate the night… I used to think it was another long, useless day pilling up in my existence.

"Its twilight," I murmured.

And when I looked back at her suddenly, she was staring back at me with those wide, chocolate brown eyes. In her eyes, there were a million questions but the one I could see most clearly is that she was wondering why I was so thoughtful when speaking of the night. So I answered her unspoken question.

"It's the safest time of the day for us," I continued, "The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way… the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?"

I smiled because I'd just conveniently asked her another question to which I was honestly curious for her answer.

"I like the night," she answered.

She likes the night? Why would she? She has the worst of luck, and the night could bring dangerous things toward her.

"Without the dark, we'd never stars,"

I liked her answer… it was very beautiful… just like her.

So it surprised me that she frowned.

"Not that you see them here much," she continued.

I chuckled at her answer. That was so Bella.

"Charlie will be home soon," I told her, "So unless you want to tell him you'll be with me on Saturday…" I raised an eyebrow and looked into her eyes.

She looked at her books and started picking them up.

"Thanks, but no thanks," she said, "So is it my turn tomorrow?"

I faked being outraged and told her, "Certainly not! I told you I wasn't done, didn't I?"

"What more is there?"

"You'll find out tomorrow." And I reached across her body to open the passenger door.

I could hear her heart quicken at my sudden closeness.

But then that's not the only thing I could hear.

There was a car, coming to Bella's. But not just _a_ car. It was a Black's car. I can smell those wolf decedents from miles away. It would not be a good idea to have me and a Quileute together in the same room.

My hand froze on her handle.

"Not good," I said softly to myself.

She seemed to hear me.

"What is it?"

She sounded concerned. But I couldn't tell her that werewolf decedents were about to come, and I should quickly leave before something bad happens.

Yes, that would get her calm.

I looked at her for a quick second and said, "Another complication."

My voice sounded… sad.

And frankly I _was_ sad. I was depressed to not have more time with her. Well I was—of course—coming to see her sleep tonight but, she wouldn't be awake so I can't talk to her until tomorrow.

I flung open her door quickly and I moved away from her. But the second I breathed in, her scent came and hit me just like the first day.

As much as I loved her, she _still_ made my mouth water.

I saw the headlights before they reached the corner of the curb.

"Charlie's around the corner," I warned her.

The second I said that, she hopped out of my car at once. It was drizzling outside which made me want to go out next to her, and shield her from the water. She didn't like the cold. But unfortunately I couldn't. I have to stay here because I can see both cars coming closer.

I didn't get the chance to say goodbye to Bella. So I glared at the upcoming car that was taking my time away from her.

I revved my engine and left without looking back at her.

I drove straight home and felt… annoyed.

I want to stay with Bella some more, but _that_ car took my time away from her. The only thing that kept me sane was the thought that I'd see her in less than a couple of hours.

I went up to Esme's office. I haven't seen her or talked to her in a while and I felt bad. Esme loved me like I was her blood relative son, and when I was sad, or in pain, she would suffer for me. That was horrible. I hated making her suffer.

I knocked on her door.

"Come in!" she said in her sweet voice.

"Hello, Esme." I greeted her.

She smiled, "Edward! How are you? Is Bella…?"

"She's fine, thanks for asking."

"Oh, son, I love that she's making you happy."

I chuckled. "How do you know I'm happy?"

She raised her eyebrow and smiled. "You're smiling a lot more, you haven't played your piano in such a long time and she inspired you to write a song," she stood up and smiled bigger, "Should I go on?"

I laughed, "No, Esme, it's ok. I just came up because I haven't talked to you in a while."

"Well, you're always welcome here, my son. I've been fine but I was talking to Alice yesterday and…"

Oh, no. What did Alice say now?

"She was saying that you and Bella have plans on Saturday to be alone." She continued.

_Thank you, Alice!_ I screamed at myself. She couldn't let me have _one_ little secret right?

But, she was right, in way, to tell Esme. Because if I didn't bring back Bella… it would be nice to have help… but that was _not_ going to happen. I swear I will bring her back…I _will_ be safe for her.

"Well yes, Esme. I was planning to take her to a private place that I like to go to just think… a small meadow not far from here."

"Edward, I trust you… with all my heart," she said, "Would you get it if I said that?" she smiled apologetically.

And I did get it. Carlisle was the soul and Esme was the heart of the family. She cared for every one of us and she truly did trust me… so why can't I trust myself sometimes? But I guess I have to learn too, right? The answer is obvious… yes… for Bella.

I said thank you to Esme for her concern, and left without another word. I could still hear her mental worries as I left… and that would have been my only worry for the night… if not for Alice.

_Edward?_

"What, Alice?" I asked aloud.

"Tomorrow is the day we're going right?"

Tomorrow… "Yes, Alice." I said hesitantly.

_I get to talk to her? _She asked happily.

I sighed. "Yes… Alice."

She smiled, but quickly frowned. _Do you _promise?"

I sighed again, but gave her what she wanted. She's helped me a lot in my existence… I guess I owe her this.

"Sure, Alice… I promise you that you can at least introduce yourself tomorrow to Bella."

She smiled wider and squealed like a fan girl.

"_Finally!!"_ she said.

I couldn't help but smile at her enthusiasm.

I went to the front door and ran to Bella's. _They'd_ be gone by now and she would be asleep. I wonder if she would sleep soundly tonight.

I got to her house and routinely jumped up to her window to climb easily.

She had her mouth slightly open and was breathing deeply.

I should not keep looking at her mouth. This is an argument I've been having with myself ever since I realized she really liked me. But I love her, so it's different because she could never love me as much as I love her. In fact, she doesn't even love me… she's never said it, so it's not a possibility.

"Edward," she sighed.

I smiled. She really _does_ dream of me every day… this makes my dead heart fill with happiness.

"I… I… love you," she whispered.

What?

Did she just say what I think she said?

"I love you, Edward,"

She loves me? I thought it was just a crush. But apparently she really does love me.

_Are you happy now, Edward??_ I asked myself. _Look what you did to her! She _loves_ a _vampire!

Well at least I know how she _really_ feels about me. I looked at her and smiled… I know this is wrong… but I'm so happy she loves me back. She cares for me. So I'm going to do everything to not be a monster. I _will _be right for her. If she loves, cares, and trusts me that much… then I'll be right for her.

I looked at her asleep. She smiled and whispered my name one more time.

I sat back and let my heart fill my whole body with joy.

**Ssooo....?? What did you think? Remember to let me know by leaving chapter comments or leaving me a message! After I get enough comments/ messages, I'll post the next one! **

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**xo, Juli**


	2. Chapter 14 Balencing

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14. Balancing

I left Bella's as soon as the sun started to appear. I would have left a little lit bit later, but I had to think about some things.

First, today was Friday—and also possibly the happiest day in Alice's existence in decades. Her mental cheers were so loud that I could hear it from upstairs, and not just because I'm so attuned to her… but because her verbal cheers were just as loud.

Second, I would miss a whole afternoon with Bella today. Mostly because I needed to go hunting. Well, not really _need,_ but _want_. I would very much like tomorrow to be the smoothest day of my life… nothing can go wrong… _absolutely nothing._

And third, when Bella was fast asleep, she said that she loved me. This was something I've wanted to know since the day after she spoke to Jessica about our "secret date" in Port Angeles. She had said to Jessica that she likes me more than I liked her. This was, of course, absurd. But nevertheless, she has finally revealed her true feelings about me… because somewhere, deep in her subconscious, she really _does_ love me. Even if her mind has not realized it yet.

How do I feel about knowing that? Of course I feel absolutely terrific, but knowing about this decision has just made Bella completely in danger… because if I _do_ have to leave—which would be the right thing to do—the danger would be leaving her alone… without me.

That sentence is the hardest sentence I've ever had to think of. But the harder one is… me…without _her_. I cannot live without her. So I choose not to. At least… for now.

But now it's time to pick up Bella.

I closed my room door, said goodbye to Esme and Carlisle—who still hasn't left yet for work—and walked downstairs.

I knew something was wrong the second I got down, because Alice was not waiting for me as she usually does… so I walked in the kitchen to find her.

She was sitting down talking to Jasper about her latest vision.

"Alice, are they ok?" Jasper asked.

"Well, I can't see them clearly at all. They are not even in Washington yet."

Jasper sighed. "Well you'll have to let Carlisle and Esme know… just in case."

"In case what?" I asked.

They both looked up because they were taken by surprise which was surprising to me.

"Well, Alice just saw a couple of nomads coming to Seattle. Though, she's not sure if they would come to Forks." Jasper explained.

"Are they dangerous, Alice?" I asked.

"Edward, I can't see yet!" She complained, "but I will let you know as soon as I catch something."

"Thanks Alice." I said, "See you both at school."

I started to walk out, but I heard Alice saying something.

"One more thing! Wait for me in the garage Jazz."

I stopped as I realized she wanted to talk to me.

"Edward!" she called me.

I sighed and turned around.

"I'm still talking to Bella right? Remember, you promised!"

"Alice, I did promise, and I'm not breaking it. You may talk to Bella today. But _just_ to introduce yourself." I explained.

She frowned a little. "Fine… I'll see you at school."

I smiled and left with my car. I drove to Bella's house quickly and parked in her driveway. I turned off my engine and rolled my windows down.

I waited for her, sitting on the driver's side. She walked without hesitating and climbed into the passenger's seat.

I half smiled just seeing her face so excited.

"How did you sleep?" I asked.

"Fine. How was your night?"

I smiled, remembering Alice's hopeless yearning last night. And also because last night was the one night that I'd heard Bella say "I love you". She may not realize it yet, but she does.

"Pleasant," I answered.

"Can I ask what did?"

I smiled. "No. Today is still _mine_."

Throughout the day, I asked her about her mother, Renée. Her hobbies and what her and her mother did together in their spare time. I asked her about her grandparents, she told me about the only grandmother she'd known. And a few questions of her friends from her old school. That led to a question that has been haunting me for a while. I asked her about the boys she dated before and was very, _very_ surprised when she said she's never dated anybody. This was very strange. Someone like her would have found someone she liked right?

"So you've ever met anyone you wanted?" I asked seriously.

"Not in Phoenix," she muttered honestly.

I could feel my mouth shut automatically. I know I shouldn't feel happy right now, but I do. And I know I shouldn't have asked her that question because I knew the answer. And something told me that she didn't mean to make me a bit angry…

By the time I was done thinking, we'd reached the cafeteria. I held back an irritated sigh because I could hear Alice already.

_Edward? I _just_ thought of something… how is Bella getting home?_ She thought.

Damn! I completely forgot about that. I'm just so used to taking Bella to and from school now that I didn't bother to think of that. How is she going to get home if I'm leaving after lunch and not coming back until tonight?

_I have an idea! I could drop her truck off at her house again?_

Alice and I are really good at these private conversations. So I nodded silently and she nodded too. I also heard Jasper ask her why she was nodding. Usually we'd keep our conversations private, but today she felt like sharing.

"Just talking to Edward about Bella." She told him.

He rolled his eyes and went on to talking to Emmett.

"I should have let you drive yourself today." I told Bella as we took our seats.

Her mouth dropped. "Why?" she demanded.

"I'm leaving with Alice after lunch."

"Oh," She sounded disappointed. "That's okay, it's not that far of a walk."

I frowned at her. Did she _really_ think I'd make her walk home?

"I'm not going to make you walk home. We'll go get your truck and leave it here for you."

"I don't have my key with me." She sighed and looked down. "I really don't mind walking."

I shook my head impatiently. "Your truck will be here, and the key will be in the ignition—unless you're afraid someone will steal it." I laughed at the thought of someone wanting that old, rusted, red Chevy that she had.

"All right." Then she said uncertain. But all I had to do is get her key from her house and I knew exactly where it was, because I saw it before I left her room this morning. So I smiled confidently.

"So where are you going?" she asked pulling me from my train of thought.

"Hunting." I answered brusquely. "If I'm going to be alone with you tomorrow"—and I shudder at the thought—"I'm going to take whatever precautions I can." Then I looked at her with pleading eyes. "You could always cancel, you know."

She looked down suddenly and refused to look up to meet my persuasive eyes.

"No. I… can't." she whispered.

"Perhaps you're right." I muttered.

She suddenly changed the subject. "What time will I see you tomorrow?" she asked depressed.

I smiled. "That depends… its Saturday, don't you want to sleep in?"

"No." she answered quickly. I tried not to smile at that too.

"The same time as usual, then," I said, "Will Charlie be there?"

She grinned. "No, he's fishing tomorrow."

"And if you don't come home, what will he think?" I asked her harshly.

"I have no idea." She answered calmly. "He knows I've been meaning to do the laundry. Maybe he'll think I fell in the washer."

I glared at her attempt to joke and she glared back.

"What are you hunting tonight?" she asked, changing the subject again.

"Whatever we find in the park. We aren't going far." I was still very mystified by her casualness with my horrible secrets.

"Why are you going with Alice?"

I groaned internally. "Alice is the most…"—how can I put it into words?—"…supportive." I guess that word worked as well as any others.

"And the others? What are they?" she asked shyly.

I frowned a bit. "Incredulous, for the most part."

I wasn't about to tell her that Rosalie was incredibly jealous, Jasper thinks she shouldn't be alive, and Emmett was just going with what Rosalie said until he can convince her otherwise.

She looked behind her shoulder at my family's table. They were all looking off into different directions, because Alice told them Bella would stare in a while.

_Ugh, this is so frustrating._ Rosalie complained.

_She's a curious one, right bro?_ Emmett thought.

_Edward? Can I go now??_ Alice asked me. She was seconds away from meeting Bella, and she couldn't even handle waiting a little bit longer.

"They don't like me." Bella said pulling me back to our conversation.

"That's not it." I disagreed quickly… too quickly. I think she saw right through that. "They don't understand why I can't leave you alone." That last part wasn't entirely a lie.

She made a face. "Neither do I, for that matter."

I shook my head, exasperated. How do I tell her without scaring her off? I rolled my eyes and answered. "I told you—you don't see yourself clearly at all. You're not like anyone I've ever known. You fascinate me."

_And, I'm also in love with you._ I wanted to add. But that was exactly the kind of thing that would scare her.

More half lies. I know she _shouldn't_ fascinate me… but she does. And I know I _shouldn't_ love her… but I do.

Life's hard.

She glared at me then. By the look in her face, she thought I was joking. So I smiled as I realized that was exactly what she was thinking. I was becoming good at reading her expressions.

"Having the advantages I do." I told her softly as I inconspicuously touched my forehead, "I do have a better grasp of human nature. People are predictable. But you…" I let my mind think of something I could tell her without making her feel like I'm kidding. "You never do what I expect. You always take me by surprise."

She looked down and away and looked back at my family, clearly embarrassed that I just gave a compliment. It was true though, and she was going to get used to getting compliments from me.

But I wasn't done when she looked away. So I continued, "That part is easy to explain. But there's more… and I'm afraid it's not so easy to put into words—" I was going to tell her that I adored her… just the way she was. But suddenly Rosalie looked straight at Bella. 'Look' wasn't even the right word… 'Glare' was a better way to describe it.

_I hate her! I wish she would've died that day! She shouldn't be alive and I shouldn't have to be nice to her. I will _never_ like her. She disgusts me… filthy human._ Rosalie thought towards Bella.

I was so angry with her… all my eyes saw was red. I looked straight to her and growled until she got the message that I was listening and wanted her to stop before I had to go over there.

Rosalie turned her head quickly and Bella sighed quietly of relief. Hopefully she didn't hear me growl.

As Bella turned back, I tried to explain as best as I could about Rosalie's behavior. "I'm sorry about that." I said quietly, "She's just… worried. You see… it's dangerous for more than just me if, after spending so much time with you so publicly…" I couldn't finish. I'm ashamed for saying it out loud.

"If?"

"If this ends… badly" I covered my face… the face of a killer. I didn't want her to be scared… but if that's what's best for her…

Even with my face in my hands, I could see Bella's hand reach toward me as if she was going to comfort me. But she quickly dropped it on the table.

"And you have to leave now?" her voice was calm. I knew she was scared or concerned. But she controlled her expression very well so I didn't see any trace of fear as I looked up at her.

I dropped my hands away from my face. "Yes." I suddenly smiled, wanting to lighten the mood that I caused. "It's probably for the best. We still have fifteen minutes of that wretched movie left to endure in Biology—I don't think I could take any more." The thing I couldn't take was being away from her for any amount of time… but this was absolutely necessary if I wanted to spend time alone with her tomorrow.

She was about to speak when Alice appeared right behind me, and Bella looked at her startled.

"Alice." I said without looking at her.

"Edward," she answered.

_Now Edward!_ She mentally screamed at me.

I forced myself to smile and gestured towards both, "Alice, Bella—Bella, Alice."

"Hello, Bella." _Finally! Honestly Edward, it's a relief to say those words to her._ "It's nice to finally meet you."

I looked at her and scowled.

"Hi, Alice." Bella said timidly.

Then Alice turned to me. "Are you ready?"

"Nearly. I'll meet you in the car." I dismissed her.

She looked at Bella one last time and left.

_Well Edward… good news! I won't explode anymore!_ She thought as she left.

That almost made me smile.

"Should I say 'have fun' or is that the wrong sentiment?" Bella asked me after Alice had gone.

I smirked "No, 'have fun' works as well as anything."

"Have fun then." She said. Though it was clear that she didn't want me to go. I quite enjoyed that… she didn't want me to leave her.

"I'll try." I said grinning. But then I became serious, "And you try to be safe, please."

"Safe in Forks—what a challenge." She said sarcastically.

"For you it _is_ a challenge. Promise." I insisted.

"I promise to try to be safe. I'll do the laundry tonight—that ought to be fraught with peril."

"Don't fall in." I teased her.

She glared. "I'll do my best."

Then I stood up and so did she.

She sighed. "I'll see you tomorrow." She said disappointed.

"It seems like a long time to you, doesn't it?"

She nodded morosely.

"I'll be there in the morning." I promised her as I smiled.

I reached across the table and caressed her face once more. I was becoming better at this. But that doesn't mean I should abuse my control. So I turned quickly and walked away before I did anything stupid.

I got to my car where Alice was waiting at the passenger's seat.

"She seems nice." She giggled.

I sighed. Only Alice!

I drove to Bella's and broke into her room by her window again. Her keys were in her jean pockets on top of her laundry load. She sometimes forgot it there.

I gave the keys to Alice.

"Alice? Do you have a small piece of paper?"

She looked confused, but dug around her bag and took out a paper and a pen.

I took the small paper and wrote 2 small words:

Be safe.

I folded it and told Alice to put it on the driver's seat. She took it and smiled at me.

_Your love for her is admirable._ She thought.

I nodded, thanking her for being so kind.

She did as I asked and took Bella's truck to school and parked it on the same spot that I had this morning.

She then got in my car and we drove away.

Alice was unusually quiet the way there, and her mind was somewhere far away as well. She was thinking about Jasper… and how she would miss him. I wanted to say 'It's only for a day' but the thought of staying away from Bella was horrible for me too. Maybe now I would truly understand the bond between my family…

I arrived late at night at Bella's. She was deep asleep. Today, she wasn't talking as much. That's a shame because today was the night I truly wanted to hear what she was thinking.

Maybe she did tell Charlie about tomorrow—but I seriously doubt it—and she wasn't talking because she was worried that her father was mad or something. I would have gone with that explanation, until she started muttering.

"Mmmm…"

Nothing interesting yet. Hopefully she would reveal some secrets tonight.

"I…I…" she murmured.

I wanted to get closer to her. And so my body moved without me knowing. I was inches from her face, when I suddenly realized this was wrong and I moved back to her rocking chair.

This was hopeless! Was I ever going to learn?

But what if…? What if she _wants_ me to touch her? When I caressed her cheek, she said nothing against it. In Port Angeles, she _wanted_ to touch my hand… and she didn't flinch away from the cold.

All this made me think of Jessica Stanley's daydreams about her and me… and how she replaced herself with Bella. I remembered that daydream… me and Bella were kissing. Her hands were in my hair as mine were around her waist, pulling her closer and closer though there wasn't much room between us.

While I was thinking about this, I realized that I was—once again—inches from her face. My body had moved closer without my knowledge. But this time… I didn't go back.

I looked at her sleeping face for a moment and just thought about kissing her. My lips to hers… cold to warm… silk to stone… it was weird to think that maybe one day, I _could_ do that.

That would take an insane amount of control… maybe even more than Carlisle's. But tomorrow I promised myself that I would think about this some more… because I suddenly _wanted_ to kiss her. I really wanted to know what it felt like.

Tomorrow. I decided.

I feel horrible at myself for even thinking something like this. This decision could hurt her in the end. She could get seriously injured… or worse. But I know that my selfish side wouldn't give this argument up ever since I first thought about it.

I'd think more tomorrow. And as for the rest of the night, I just let my body stay where it was and I watched her sleep.

"Edward… I… love you" she whispered.

I smiled and let my body soak in happiness.

I left her house a bit earlier than usual… I was almost hyper when the sun began to rise. I rushed home to get changed and saw Alice talking to Jasper.

"Jasper, I missed you." Alice said.

"Alice, it was only for one day… but I know what how you feel." He smiled.

Then he gave her a quick kiss.

I sighed. The way they loved each other reminded me of Bella and me… only I can barely touch her.

I sighed again and went straight to my room.

"Edward, wait!" Alice called from downstairs.

"What, Alice?"

"I already picked out your clothes for you, it's on your couch."

That was strange. Alice usually didn't bother to pick out my clothes. She had Rosalie and Esme to dress up.

Although it _was_ strange, I went to my room and on my black leather couch, there were jeans, a white shirt with a tan sweater. I wondered why Alice picked today to pick my clothes.

I put on my clothes and went downstairs to leave. Alice eyed me and smiled.

"You look perfect!" she squealed.

I looked at Jasper and raised an eyebrow. He stifled a laugh and shrugged. I left before Alice could put make up on me. She was taking this _way_ too far.

I ran to Bella's and knocked quietly on her door. I could hear her rush to get it, and that made me a bit scared. The second she opened the door, she smiled the biggest smile I'd ever seen.

I looked down at her and just noticed that she was wearing about the same thing I was.

Alice.

Her name is like an explanation for everything.

I laughed. "Good morning."

She looked self conscious and looked down at her clothes. "What's wrong?"

"We match." I chuckled, did Alice really mean to do this?

She laughed with me as she looked at my clothes. She locked the door behind her and we walked to her truck.

I went to the passenger's side controlling my horrified expression.

She was smug. "We made a deal," reminding me of my decision to let her drive.

"Where to?" she asked as she climbed in the driver's seat.

"Put your seatbelt on—I'm nervous already."

She scowled and repeated impatiently, "Where to?"

"Take the one-oh-one north."

She did as I said and started to drive away. I was looking at her at whole way there and I could see her eyes wanting to meet mine.

She was driving to slow for me. I've never been able to drive where the trees outside weren't a blur. "Were you planning to make it out of Forks before nightfall?" I teased her.

"This truck is old enough to be your car's grandfather—have some respect."

As soon as we were out of Forks, I could feel my feelings of anxiousness getting closer.

"Turn right on the one-ten," I said.

She turned silently without meeting my eyes.

I smiled. "Now we drive until the pavement ends."

"And what's there, at the pavement's end?"

"A trail."

"We're hiking?" she asked tensely.

I knew I shouldn't expect her to do anything for me, but it's not like I was going to let her fall.

"Is that a problem?" I asked, concerned.

"No," she lied.

"Don't worry, its only five miles or so, and we're in no hurry."

She must be worried about being too slow for me. I'd keep up with her. And I also wanted to show her how _I _traveled on the way back.

Her forehead was creased and she was silent until we almost reached the pavements end.

I _had_ to know what she was thinking. I was dying—no pun intended.

"What are you thinking?" I finally said.

"Just wondering where we're going." She said casually. Maybe she trusts me enough now to tell me what she's thinking. I wondered what she would do if she knew that I went to her room every night and heard her talk.

"It's a place I like to go when the weather is nice." I looked out the window and sure enough, the clouds were disappearing and the sun would be out soon. She would like that. The cold bothered her.

"Charlie said it would be warm today." She said.

Speaking Charlie's name reminded me of my guesses last night. I wondered if she _had_ told him about us.

"And did you tell Charlie what you were up to?"

"Nope."

Why did she have to be difficult? At least someone knows we're together.

"But Jessica thinks we're going to Seattle together?" I wondered.

She frowned. "No, I told her you canceled on me—which it true."

Now, I was angry. She didn't tell anyone that we are together today. How will that make me want to bring her back?

"No one knows you're with me?" I asked, irritated.

She pursued her lips. "That depends… I assume you told Alice?"

Oh yeah, because telling _another_ vampire would make all this better.

"That's very helpful Bella."

She ignored my tone and looked away. But I wasn't done discussing this.

"Are you so depressed by Forks that it's made you suicidal?"

"You said it might cause trouble for you… us being together publicly." She said quietly reminding me of our conversation at Friday's lunch. She's right in a way though. It's actually a little better that she didn't tell anyone. It might make me giving her back more difficult, but it's better for us.

But it still didn't make me less angry.

"So you're worried about the trouble it might cause _me_—if _you_ don't come _home_?" I told her sarcastically.

It was clear she didn't want to continue this conversation, so she said nothing and just nodded.

"Suicidal." I muttered under my breath to low for her to hear.

For the rest of the road, we didn't speak. She didn't even try to look at me now. I still kept my eyes on her, but in disapproval. I know I shouldn't be so mad, but she makes me that way sometimes. I guess I should let her off the hook though. She _was_ thinking of us at least.

She parked on the curb and started to get out. I got out, took off my jacket and left it on the passenger's seat. It was going to be hot today—not that it would make any difference to me—but it was easier to travel with out excess weight.

I was still mad, but I tried to control my voice before speaking again.

"This way." I told her.

"The trail?" her voice sound scared. Like she didn't want to go. I shouldn't have made her come.

"I said there was a trail at the end of the road, not that we were taking it."

"No trail?" she asked frantically.

I turned around to face her. "I won't get you lost." And I smiled mockingly at her.

Then suddenly her eyes got wider as she looked down across my chest then back up to my face. When she looked back up, her face was tortured. It was painful to look at.

"Do you want to go home?" I asked quietly. It was meant to be louder but the thought of missing an entire day with her made me sad.

"No." she said as she started walking forward towards me.

"What's wrong?"

Her forehead creased. What I wouldn't give to hear what she was thinking _right now_.

"I'm not a very good hiker. You'll have to be very patient." She said monotonously.

I smiled. Is that where she was getting at? "I can be patient—if I make a great effort."

She looked at me and smiled back. There was something off. That wasn't a happy smile, I told myself. Her face was still just as tortured.

"I'll take you home." I was depressed. Depressed at the fact that she wouldn't tell me what was bothering her, and depressed at the fact that I wouldn't have more time with her.

"If you want me to hack five miles through the jungle before sundown, you'd better start leading the way." She said coldly to me.

That was odd. She usually didn't speak to me this way unless she was upset with me. But what did I do to make her mad?

I frowned at her trying to figure out what could I have done to make her angry.

Then I gave up, knowing that she wasn't going to tell me and no amount of wishing was going to get me to read her mind.

I sighed and led the way.

We started to walk and we weren't even halfway through when I realized that she wasn't kidding about me having to be being patient. She wasn't the greatest hiker in the world. Of course, you could tell just by the way she walked. As she pointed out, she can't even walk in a straight line without finding something to trip over. I had to sometimes hold her by the elbows so she wouldn't fall. But when she had her feet planted firmly on the ground, I quickly stepped away before my mind got carried away. But every time that I'd touch her, her heart would double in time and her face would turn a little red. Sometimes I would ask her another random question on my never ending list. But for the most part, we walked in silence.

The only question that made me laugh was when I'd asked her about pets she used to have. She told me that she only had some goldfish… and all three died in a row. I couldn't help but laugh at her expression. Something always did tell me that she wasn't the best animal care-taker.

We hiked all throughout the morning and she was trying her best to go faster. She seemed a bit impatient, but that was only because she didn't know where we were going. I knew exactly where to turn and how to get there, but I could tell from the look on her face that she was scared we would never find our way back. I knew she should be scared… I was.

After hours I started to see some light coming from the sky toward the meadow. And I wondered idly if she could see it too. I was just about to ask her when she interrupted me.

"Are we there yet?" she teased.

I smiled at her change of mood. Maybe what ever had bothered her had passed… but I still wanted to know.

"Nearly." I told her, "Do you see the brightness ahead?"

She looked away from me and into the thick green maze ahead of her.

"Um, should I?"

I half smiled, "Maybe it's a bit soon for _your_ eyes."

"Time to visit the optometrist." She murmured.

I grinned. Yes, she was feeling better.

But I sure wasn't.

We were almost there and I'm sure that by now she could see the sunlight. I don't know what made me bring her here just to show her my skin… the skin of a killer. So it's sparkly… big deal.

To me, it was a horrid thing to see. Hopefully I wouldn't scare her. I _really_ hope I don't scare her.

I let her lead now, and I followed right behind her trying to figure out the best place for me to proceed. I decided I'd go the shade of the canopy that was inches away from the light.

Bella was looking around the meadow and her face was in awe. She looked at the place like it was the Taj Mahal. I'm glad she liked it. That was a nice thing to know.

I went to the canopy's shade and Bella was looking around frantically. But when she spotted me, she stopped, and took a step toward me.

I held my hands out in warning, and she stopped in her tracks. She gestured her hands at me for me to go on.

I was terrified. What if she would run away? Would I let her go? Would I go after her? What if she fainted? She did have a habit of doing that.

But her eyes just glowed with curiosity, and so I took a deep breath and stepped forward into the light of the sun.

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**I hope you all liked it! Remember to make me smile with more reviews! 3**

**p.s. Please excuse any stupid grammar/ spelling mistakes… I still have no beta and I'm still looking for one! *hint, hint, cough, cough* =]**

**Review please! --**


	3. Chapter 15 Confessions

**Hello again**** lovelies****!**

**All right, I'll cut to the chase. I got a new beta! She's amazing, sweet, and super nice :) I'm completely happy that she agreed, because without her, I'd have all those lame ass mistakes… Now I'm like to tell you all that I'm writing a new fic… my own this time! How about a little teaser…? ;)**

**This story is still untitled so I'm looking for any ideas! If you've got any, review this and let me know! :) **

**Please remember that this is my idea and I am asking for no copyrights… do you really want to be a thief?**

**(C)JulianneGiovanna**

**Teaser for 'un-named' [will name it shortly...hopefully]:**

_**I was flipping the pancakes for my roommates when the TV spoke of him… yet again. I grimaced as I turned to look at his picture on the screen.**_

_**"Edward Cullen has landed, yet another, role in a movie that will be shooting right here in Miami, FL," the reporter's voice buzzed, "He will play a young man by the name of Robert caught between a love triangle. No word yet on his female co-stars but—"**_

_**I pressed mute and scoffed. Of course, 'Mr. Perfect' will be surrounded by girls on his new set. I'm so tired of playing the game of "Who's dating Edward Cullen now??" with my crazy obsessed roommate. I swear, every time I go to a bookstore to unwind and relax, there's always a magazine with his damn perfect face on it. I turned back to my pancakes—now on the urge of burning thanks to my brilliant attention—and flipped them.**_

_**"Good morning!" a high voice trailed down the hall.**_

_**I smiled looking at one of my roommates, Alice, looking extremely hung-over.**_

_**"Morning Alice… is Rose up yet?"**_

_**She rolled her little hazel eyes. "Rose had so much to drink last night that she probably won't be up for another hour… or so. If I didn't have to work today, trust me, I would be in bed too."**_

**So…… what do we all think? :) I think that I'll like writing this story… I'm so making Edward an asshole… I just **_**love**_** reading him being mean and annoying that I might as well write about it! LOL! Ok, Sorry for having a super long ass authors note… on to the story! See you all below!**

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15. Confessions

As I walked into the sunlight, the rainbow sparkles coming off my skin was reflecting off the trees. I was very anxious right now. The only thing that would keep me calm, was my piano… but since that was too far, I started singing to myself, to low for Bella to hear.

I walked away from the place I was standing and sat down in the grass. If I thought Bella was in awe looking at the meadow, then I was wrong. Her face was unreadable while I was still in the grass. I closed my eyes trying not to think of the fact that Bella was a few feet from me. She wasn't sitting comfortably. She was very stiff curled up with her chin on her knees.

I opened my eyes slowly and looked at her. Her hands were inches away from mine and she cautiously reached to stroke the back of my hand. She wouldn't pull away from the cold, but I watched her intently hoping I won't scare her.

I smiled at her. "I don't scare you?" It was meant to be a playful question, but I was very serious when I asked it.

"No more than usual." She said casually.

So I did scare her. I smiled wider.

She leaned closer then, about to touch my forearm. Her fingers were trembling when I closed my eyes.

"Do you mind?" she asked.

"No," I said, without opening my eyes, "You can't image how that feels." I sighed.

Her touch is the most exquisite feeling I've ever felt. The warmth coming off her skin was incredible. As soon as she touched me, or I touched her, our skins would have a strange hum of electricity. It was the most pleasant thing I've felt in decades. Possibly the most pleasant thing I felt in my whole existence.

She traced my arm beginning at my shoulders going down to my elbow. Her other hand went to turn my hand over. I knew what she was trying to do, and so I flipped my palm up. I may have done it too fast, because her hand froze on my arm and she looked startled.

"Sorry," I said softly, "It's too easy to be myself, with you."

She lifted my hand again and brought it closer to her face. She looked around it like she was trying to see if there was glitter on me.

"Tell me what you're thinking," I whispered.

It was unbearable sitting this long without knowing, what she really was thinking.

"It's still so strange for me, not knowing." I continued.

"You know, the rest of us feel that way all the time."

"It's a hard life." And she didn't know _how_ hard it was. Me, trying to be something I'm not, just to be safe for her… to stay with her. "But you didn't tell me." I reminded her.

"I _was_ wishing I could know what you were thinking…" she stopped.

Why would she want to know what _I'm_ thinking? She's more interesting than me.

"And?"

"I was wishing that I could believe that you were real. And I was wishing that I wasn't afraid," she said softly.

This made me unhappy. The last thing I wanted to do, to her is make her scared of me.

"I don't want you to be afraid." I whispered.

"Well, that is not exactly the type of fear I mean, though that is certainly something to think about."

That was strange… what _did_ she mean? I started to sit up and propped up on my right arm, my face inches from hers.

"What are you afraid of, then?" I asked her gently but seriously.

Her eyes got wider and she leaned closer to me and inhaled.

The second she got closer, my mouth started to water just like that first day in Biology. My body wanted two things… to move closer and spring… and to move closer and closer until our faces touch.

I ripped my hand from hers and quickly moved away—20 feet to be exact— next to a tree.

She didn't realize that I had left because her eyes were closed and she was moving closer. She opened her eyes slowly and her expression was torn.

"I'm… sorry…Edward," she whispered to me.

I could feel venom in my mouth and my body prepared to spring like I was hunting.

"Give me a moment," I said to her, loudly enough for her to hear.

After a moment of thinking, I started to walk slowly to her and I sat down a few feet from her, my eyes never leaving her face. I took two deep breathes and apologized.

"I am so very sorry—" I stopped because after I thought my question through, it really didn't make sense to me. "Would you understand what I meant if I said, I was only human?"

She nodded.

And I smiled mockingly. "I'm the world's best predator, aren't I? Everything about me invites you in—my voice, my face, even my _smell_. As if I need any of that!" I hopped up and ran as far from her to circle the meadow and went under a tree in less than a second.

"As if you could outrun me," I laughed acidly.

I ran back a few feet from her and grabbed a thick tree by the root and balanced it on my hand for a minute and threw it with half my strength… but I know it must have impressed her.

Then I ran straight to her and controlled my voice so it can be less frightening.

"As if you could fight me off," I said tenderly.

She sat very still looking at me with alarming eyes.

I know that I must be very gentle with her, but I was excited. I've never had the liberty of being myself with someone outside of my family that I cared very much about. Bella was shocked by my enthusiasm. But my expression slowly faded into sadness.

"Don't be afraid," I spoke softly and persuasively, "I promise—" that word didn't mean anything to me anymore… I needed something that would make me mean what I say, —"I _swear_ not to hurt you." Although I didn't know how much of that was for her… or for me.

"Don't be afraid," I whispered to her again, "Please forgive me. I _can_ control myself." You just caught me off guard. But, I'm on my best behavior now."

I waited for her to say something but she wouldn't speak.

"I'm not thirsty today, honestly." And I winked at her.

It's still bizarre how I can joke around my deep secrets with her.

She laughed at that, a little nervously though.

"Are you all right?" I asked warmly. And I placed my hand back in hers. It was nice to know that I can touch her like that and she doesn't mind… she rather liked it.

She started to trace my hand again and looked up at me and smiled shyly.

I smiled in response.

"So where were we, before I behaved so rudely?" I asked formally.

"I honestly can't remember," She said breathlessly.

I smiled ashamedly "I think we were talking about why you were afraid, besides the obvious reason."

"Oh, right." she remembered.

"Well?"

She looked down at my hand and started drawing across my palm. She wouldn't talk.

I was beginning to really hate this non-mind reading thing she had. She had to know how easily mad I get.

"How easily frustrated I am," I sighed.

Bella looked up then and her expression was unreadable.

"I was afraid… because, for, well, obvious reasons, I can't _stay_ with you. And I'm afraid that I'd like to stay with you, much more than I should." She looked at my hands embarrassed to be saying this out loud.

"Yes." I agreed hesitantly. "That is something to be afraid of, indeed. Wanting to be with me. That's really not in your best interest."

She frowned at me.

"I should have left long ago," I admitted my feelings to her, "I should leave now. But I don't know if I can." I know I _should_.

"I don't want you to leave," she whispered.

"Which is exactly why I should. But don't worry. I'm essentially a selfish creature. I crave your company too much to do what I should."

Her company, her blood and new things that are now in my brain are all things I crave. I'm such a monster.

"I'm glad."

She's… what? Happy that I crave her? What is going on through her brain?

"Don't be!" I said acidly to her. I took my hand away—gently—and looked at her intensely. "It's not only your company I crave! Never forget _that_." She needed to realize that I am _dangerous_. "Never forget I am more dangerous to you than I am to anyone else." I stopped suddenly looking at the trees. I can hear some hikers not too far away. They can't hear me, but I can hear them.

_Jason! I think we're lost!_

_No we're not, Katie. It's ok!_

I could go to help them, but I only have a couple minutes left with Bella.

"I don't think I understand exactly what you mean—by that last part anyway," she said.

I looked at her and smiled, trying to think of a way to tell her without scaring her.

"How do I explain?" I said, thinking. "And without frightening you again… hmm?"

While I was thinking, my hand reached for hers without my permission. But as I was about to take my hand away, she held my hand securely in between both her hands. I looked down at her hands holding mine.

My hands instantly were getting warmer at her touch. I could feel my body wanting more than a touch though.

I sighed. "That's amazingly pleasant, the warmth."

I had to answer her question… but how to start? This is more difficult than I realized.

"You know how everyone enjoys different flavors? Some people love chocolate ice cream, others prefer strawberry?"

She nodded although her face was stifling a smile.

"Sorry about the food analogy—I couldn't think of another way to explain." Food seems to be universal for humans, so I'm guessing that this wouldn't scare her.

Now she did smile and I smiled back apologetically.

"You see, every person smells different, has a different essence. If you locked an alcoholic in a room full of a stale beer, he'd gladly drink it. But he could resist, if he wished to, if he were a recovering alcoholic. Now let's say you placed in that room a glass of hundred-year-old brandy, the rarest, finest cognac—and filled the room with its warm aroma—how do you think he would fare then?"

She looked in my eyes and her expression was still a bit confused, so I decided to say something else.

"Maybe that's not right comparison. Maybe it would be easy to turn down the brandy. Perhaps I should have made our alcoholic a heroin addict instead."

She considered that and taunted me.

"So what you're saying is, I'm your brand of heroin?"

I smiled wide.. "Yes, you are _exactly_ my brand of heroin."

"Does that happen often?" she asked me.

I looked up at the trees, lost in my memories—or rather the memories of other people.

"I spoke to my brothers about it. To Jasper, every one of you is much the same. He's the most recent to join our family. It's a struggle for him to abstain at all. He hasn't had time to grow sensitive to the differences in smell, in flavor."

I looked at her quickly after my explanation and smiled ruefully. "Sorry."

"I don't mind. Please don't worry about offending me, or frightening me, or whichever. That's just the way you think. I can understand, or try to at least. Just explain however you can.

She still continued to surprise me with her coolness about all this. Does she know how much I admire her for her bravery?

I took a deep breath and looked up at the sky. It was getting darker but Bella wouldn't notice for another couple of hours.

"So Jasper wasn't sure if he'd ever come across someone who was as"—I stopped and thought of a right word that I could use. How could I say she was mouthwatering without scaring her?—"_appealing_ as you are to me. Which makes me think not. Emmett has been wagon longer, so to speak, and he understood what I meant. He says twice, for him, once stronger than the other."

"And for you?" she whispered.

"Never." I whispered back.

Then we were just quiet for a moment. I'm sure she was thinking about Emmett's past.

"What did Emmett do?" she asked quickly after I made my assumption.

I was _really_ hoping she wouldn't ask. My hand turned into a fist inside hers. I didn't wasn't to tell that my brother killed 2 innocent people when he smelled them. I wouldn't want to give her the impression that there was no hope for our situation. I looked away from her.

"I guess I know," she muttered.

I looked up at her and I was pleading her with my eyes. "Even the strongest of us fall off the wagon, don't we?"

"What are you asking?" she said acidly. "My permission? I mean, is there no hope, then?"

This is exactly what I was trying to avoid. I didn't want her to think there was no hope for us. I was trying just to tell her that, as much as Emmett was in control, he didn't mean to mess everything up. I don't want her to think that I'm not in control like my brothers.

"No, no! Of course there's hope! I mean, of course, I won't…" I stopped mid-sentence staring into her eyes. "It's different for us. Emmett… these were strangers he happened across. It was a long time ago, and he wasn't as… practiced, as careful, as he is now."

I stopped talking then. If I kept talking to her, I'd pour my whole heart out to her.. I kept looking at her while she thought things through.

"So if we'd met… oh, in a dark alley or something…" she said rambling off.

"It took everything I had not to jump up in the middle of that class full of children and—" I came to abrupt halt and looked away.. "When you walked past me, I could have ruined everything Carlisle has built for us, right then and there. If I hadn't been denying my thirst for the last, well, too many years, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself." I looked up to the trees, hating what I am. A monster. I can't even believe that I wanted to destroy this beautiful, pure, and amazing creature that was sitting beside me.

I looked down at her then, remembering my moment of indecision.

"You must have thought I was possessed."

"I couldn't understand why," she said, "How you could hate me so quickly…"

"To me, it was like you were some kind of demon, summoned straight from my own personal hell to ruin me.."

I can't even describe Bella as a demon now. I fell sick of just thinking of my past memories. She was the farthest thing from a demon.

"The fragrance coming off your skin… I thought it would make me deranged that first day. In that one hour, I thought of a hundred different ways to lure you from the room with me, to get you alone. And I fought them each back, thinking of my family, what I could do to them. I had to run out, to get away before I could speak the words that would make you follow…"

I looked down into her eyes. I stared deep into her chocolate brown eyes. "You would have come," I promised.

"Without a doubt," she whispered, almost hypnotized.

I grimaced and looked down at her hands, still holding mine.

"And then, as I tried to rearrange my schedule in a pointless attempt to avoid you, you were there—in that close, warm little room, the scent was maddening. I so very nearly took you then. There was only one frail human there—so easily dealt with."

She shivered at the memory.

"But I resisted." I continued, "I don't know how. I forced myself _not _to wait for you, _not_ to follow from the school. It was easier outside, when I couldn't smell you anymore, to think clearly, to make the right decision. I left the others near home—I was too ashamed to tell them how weak I was, they only knew something was very wrong—and then I went to Carlisle, at the hospital, to tell him I was leaving."

Her eyes widened. She didn't like it when I talked of leaving

"I traded cars with him—he had a full tank of gas and I didn't want to stop. I didn't dare to go home, to face Esme. She wouldn't have let me go without a scene. She would have tried to convince me it wasn't necessary…

"By the next morning I was in Alaska. I spent two days there, with some old acquaintances… but I was homesick. I hated knowing I'd upset Esme, and the rest of them, my adopted family."—except Rosalie, I added mentally.—"In the pure air of the mountains it was hard to believe you were so irresistible. I convinced myself it was weak to run away. I'd dealt with temptation before."

I decided to tease her and clear the mood a little bit. "Who were you, an insignificant little girl"—I smiled at my choice of words.—"to chase me from the place I wanted to be? So I came back…"

She was quiet, even when I teased her. Usually she would've said something.

"I took precautions, hunting, feeding more than usual before seeing you again. I was sure that I was strong enough to treat you like any other human. I was arrogant about it. It was unquestionably a complication that I couldn't simply read thoughts to know what your reaction was to me. I wasn't used to having to go to circuitous measures, listening to your words in Jessica's mind… her mind isn't very original, and it was annoying to have to stoop to that. And then I couldn't know if you really meant what you said. It was all extremely irritating."

I frowned at my memory. Bella was the only person that I could be pouring my mind to right now.

"I wanted you to forget my behavior that first day, if possible, so I tried to talk with you like I would with any person. I was eager actually, hoping to decipher some of your thoughts. But you were too interesting, I found myself caught up in your expressions… and every now and then you would stir the air with your hand or your hair, and the scent would stun me again…

"Of course, then you were nearly crushed to death in front of my eyes. Later I thought of a perfectly good excuse for why I acted at that moment—because if I hadn't saved you, if your blood had been spilled there I front of me, I don't think I could have stopped myself from exposing us for what we are. But I only thought of that excuse later. At the time, all I could think was, 'Not her.'"

I closed my eyes at the memory. She was like a magnet pulling the van closer to her. It was possibly the worst moment of my life. She was going to be crushed in front of me.

Bella pulled me from my mental thoughts and finally spoke.

"In the hospital?" she whispered.

I opened my eyes and looked at her. "I was appalled. I couldn't believe I had put us in danger after all, put myself in your power—you of all people. As if I needed another motive to kill you." I cringed from my words, and noticed that she did too. "But it had the opposite effect," I continued very quickly before she could run from me. "I fought with Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper when they suggested that now the time… the worst fight we've ever had. Carlisle sided with me, and Alice."—I tried not to show any emotion when saying her name. Her visions were something that I can't go back to thinking about, because if I do… I will lose it. And I can't lose it in front of Bella… it would scare her indefinitely. —"Esme told me to do whatever I had to in order to stay.

"All that day I eavesdropped on the minds of everyone you spoke to, shocked that you kept your word. I didn't understand you at all. But I knew that I couldn't become more involved with you. I did my very best to stay as far from you as possible. And every day the perfume of your skin, your breath, your hair… it hit me as hard as the very first day."

I finally looked down at her, after I realized I've been talking too long. I needed to hear her voice again.

"And for that, I'd have fared better if I _had_ exposed us all at that first moment, than if now, here—with no witnesses and nothing to stop me—I were to hurt you."

"Why?" she asked.

Has she not been listening? With all that I've told her, she could get the message that I'm in love with her, even though I hadn't said it out loud to her yet.

"Isabella.." I said her name like a caress. I reached for her with my free hand and played with her hair. It was something I've always wanted to do. I decided that I had enough control to casually touch her now… and that makes me very happy. "Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me." I looked down from her and looked at our hands still intertwined. I wish she could see the shame I had for even thinking of hurting her.. "The thought of you, still, white, cold… to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses… it would be unendurable." I looked deep into her chocolate brown eyes and spoke the truth. "You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever."

She blushed and looked down at our hands. I kept looking at her, waiting for her to look up at me.

"You already know how I feel, of course," she finally said, "I'm here… which, roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you." She grimaced. "I'm an idiot."

I chuckled. "You _are_ an idiot.

She looked up at me and we both laughed for a moment. In that moment, I felt the need to speak the truth about my feelings for her.

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…," I spoke softly. She looked down really quick and I could see her blushing.

She sighed. "What a stupid lamb."

"What a sick, masochistic lion." I said as I looked into the trees.

And I _was_ a sick, masochistic lion. I had taken her away from her world and put her in mine. A world full of danger and mystery.

A world of vampires.

I felt absolutely guilty for doing this to her. She deserved better. Better than me… better than this.

She was quiet for a long moment while I gathered my thoughts, and for a minute my thoughts had taken an extremely different direction that I was heading for.

Last night, I had told myself that I would think about kissing her.

'Tomorrow, I decided.' were the words I'd said to myself while I watched Bella sleep.

Bella finally said something and pulled me from my mental arguments.

"Why…?" she said.

I looked down and smiled wide at her. "Yes?"

"Tell me why you ran from me before."

I frowned. Didn't I already tell her that? Did she want to make me sad from remembering?

"You know why."

"No," she disagreed quickly. "I mean, _exactly_ what did I do wrong? I'll have to be on my guard, you see, so I better start learning what I shouldn't do. This for example"—she stroked the back of my hand gently. My skin got hotter at her touch.—"seems to be alright."

I smiled at her.. "You didn't do anything wrong, Bella. It was my fault."

"But I want to help, if I can, to not make this harder for you."

"Well…" I hesitated. I didn't know how to tell her this. "It was just how close you were. Most humans instinctively shy away from us, are repelled by our unhumaness… I wasn't expecting you to come so close. And the smell of your _throat_." I stopped quickly. I didn't mean for that to slip out. I looked at her apologetically.

"Okay then," she said. Then she tucked her chin and hid a little bit below her shirt. "No throat exposure."

I laughed. Was she always this calm near me? "No, really, it was more the surprise than anything else."

I wanted very much to touch her right now, and so my hand lifted to her face without my approval. I placed it _very_ gently on the side of her neck and left it there for a while.

"You see, perfectly fine." I told her.

I could hear her heart double in time and her blood was rushing to her cheeks. Her blush was beautiful. Her pulse quickened in time as well.

"The blush on your cheeks is lovely," I murmured.

I freed my other hand from hers and she let her hands drop on her lap. I softly caressed her cheek with my hand and held her face in both my hands for a long moment. This was something I've always wanted to do. I let my hands on the side of her face for an immeasurable amount of time and whispered, "Be very still."

She did as I said and stayed completely unmoved..

I leaned towards her, never taking my eyes from hers and very gently placed my cheek against the base of her throat.

The smell was unbearable! My throat felt like it was on fire and being pulled in two different directions. It was just like the first time that I smelled her in the biology room. I wanted very much to pull away but at the same time… I wanted to move closer and press my lips to hers. Two things that can never be fulfilled.

My hands went down from her neck and she shivered. The wind blew on her throat at that moment and I stopped breathing. But my hands didn't stop as they slid to her lower arm then back up to her shoulders where I stopped.

Then I pulled my face from her throat across her collarbone, stopping at her chest where I listened to the beat of her heart.

The sound was like music to me… it meant that she was safe, and here with me.

"Ah," I sighed.

We sat like this endlessly. I could always hear her pulse quicken and slow down. We didn't talk at all while we held our position. I could sit here forever, but I knew she was only human and this position must be awkward for her. I breathed in quickly and released her.

I looked at her completely calm.

"It won't be so hard again," I said satisfied.

"Was that very hard for you?"

"Not nearly as bad as I imagined it would be. And you?" I asked warily.

"No, it wasn't bad… for me."

She thought I was talking about… did she really think that's what I asked her?

I smiled at her. "You know what I mean."

She smiled back, a little chagrined.

"Here," I said as I reached for her hand and placed it on my cheek. "Do you feel how warm it is?"

Her pulse doubled in time and she blushed.

I wondered why she was like that.

"Don't move," she whispered.

I held still at once and closed my eyes, afraid to see what she wanted to do. I could feel her moving a bit closer to me and I felt her hands on my face.

She caressed my cheek for a while then very softly caressed my eyelids. Then she moved her hands underneath my eyes. Bella traced my nose very carefully and she kept moving down and slowly traced the shape of my mouth.

Oh, how I wanted to move closer to her now. She was so close to my lips as I was to hers. I knew this was possibly the stupidest mistake I could ever make but I did not move a muscle. I didn't want to frighten her with moving.

Then, too soon, she released me. **(A/N: :) I added that like Stephenie said it in pg. 276)**

I opened my eyes slowly and I could see my expression in her glowing eyes.

I wanted something. Something that was very foreign to me. Something I've never felt before. I wanted to lean in to caress her face, and stay there forever.

"I wish… I wish you could feel the… complexity… the confusion… I feel. That you could understand." I whispered.

I raised my hand hesitantly and brushed her hair across her face.

"Tell me," she muttered.

"I don't think I can. I've told you, on the one hand, the hunger—the thirst—that, deplorable creature that I am, I feel for you. And I think you can understand that, to an extent," I smiled, "Though, as you are not addicted to any illegal substances, you probably can't empathize completely."

"But…" I brushed my fingers very gently across her lips… something that I've always wanted to do. Her heart thudded twice. "There are other hungers. Hungers I don't even understand, that are foreign to me." I explained.

"I may understand _that_ better than you think."

"I'm not used to feeling so human. Is it always like this?"

"For me?" she stopped and thought for a while. "No, never. Never before like this."

I reached down and took her hands between mine.

"I don't know how to be close to you," I confessed, ashamed. "I don't know if I can."

She started to lean forward, warning me with her eyes and placed her soft cheek against my chest. I breathed in and out very slowly and wished we could stay like this forever.

I actually felt really proud of myself. I have more control than I thought.

"This is enough," she sighed, completely content.

I wrapped my arms around her and laid my head in her hair. It smelled wonderful, not in the edible way, but just simply a wonderful smell.

"You're better at this than you give yourself credit for," she said.

"I have human instincts—they may be buried deep, but they're there."

We sat like this a long time without talking… just enjoying the moment we have together. I noticed the light was fading more than before and it was getting late. She sighed pulling me back to reality.

"You have to go," I guessed.

"I thought you couldn't read my mind."

I smiled at that. I really loved to hear that I'm guessing right at what she's thinking. "It's getting clearer."

Just then, I had the most incredible idea.

I took her by the shoulders and looked into her eyes.

"Can I show you something?" the excitement was clear in my voice.

"Show me what?" she asked warily.

"I'll show you how _I_ travel in the forest."

She looked very worried.

"Don't worry, you'll be very safe, and well get to your truck much faster." I half-smiled at her expression.

"Will you turn into a bat?" she teased me.

More comic books? I laughed loudly. "Like I haven't heard _that_ one before!"

"Right, I'm sure you hear that all the time."

"Come on, little coward, climb on my back."

She looked like she was waiting for me to start laughing and say I was joking. I smiled and held out my hand for her. I could hear her pulse quicken and she reached for my hand. I tossed her on my back and she wrapped her arms and legs around me really tightly, not that it hurt me.

"I'm a bit heavier than your average backpack," she said.

Was she joking?

"Hah!" I said as I rolled my eyes.

Then I abruptly took her wrist and pressed it on my nose, inhaling deeply. The smell _burned_ me but it was bearable. I was getting better at this.

Maybe… just maybe, I could do what I wanted today… if my control doesn't slip.

"Easier all the time." I muttered.

Then I started running... really _running_.

I could her gasp when I started, but after that, she was just quiet. I was enjoying this. I felt free being myself without secrets from Bella. It felt great.

Although, I _did_ promise myself I'd think through a few things. First things first, I think that since my control didn't slip today, I can finally kiss her.

It fells weird even thinking that. 'Kiss her.' It's strange to know that I might be able to do that.

Of course my body was having _another_ internal argument. My moral side versus my selfish side.

Unfortunately after running for a few minutes, I could see her truck and realized that it's really now… or never. And my selfish side… was winning.

I reached her truck in a matter of minutes and slowed down.

"Exhilarating, isn't it?" I said.

She said nothing. I could hear her breathe slowly and deeply.

"Bella?" I said concerned. "I think I need to lie down."

"Oh, sorry."

I waited for her to climb down but she didn't. Was she just as unwilling to move as I was unwilling to let her go?

"I think I need help."

Well, I was way off but, I laughed softly and helped her down. I wrapped my arms around her and cradled her in my chest. I stayed like that for a moment and placed her on the dirt path so she could calm down.

"How do you feel?" I asked anxious.

"Dizzy, I think." Her eyes rolled a little behind her head.

"Put your head between your knees," I suggested. I didn't like the paleness in her face now.

She did as I said, and stayed there for a moment. I could hear her try to breathe evenly in and out. I eventually sat down next to her and watched her silently.

She finally raised her head and looked at me.

"I guess that wasn't the best idea," I contemplated.

"No," she lied, "It was very interesting."

She wasn't a very good liar. And the paleness of her face didn't help her.

"Hah!" I snorted. "You're as white as a ghost—no, you're as white as _me_!"

She grimaced. "I think I should have closed my eyes."

"Remember that next time."

"Next time!" she moaned.

I laughed. Her eyes were still closed and I leaned closer to her face and looked at her for a moment.

"Show-off," she murmured.

I smiled a little. "Open your eyes, Bella." I said gently.

She slowly opened her eyes to find me inches from her face.

I was still thinking about the 'Now or never' dilemma.

"I was thinking, while I was running…" I stopped listening to my ethical side, then to my selfish side.

"About not hitting the trees, I hope."

"Silly Bella. Running is second nature to me, it's not something I have to think about.

"Show-off" she muttered again.

I smiled.

"No," I paused listening to my thoughts again. My selfish side settled for 'as long as you're in control, it's ok.' My ethical side actually agreed with my selfish side. How was _this_ going to help me? "I was thinking there was something I wanted to try."

I reached for her face and placed both my hands on the side of it… waiting.

I paused as I leaned in and tested myself.

I breathed in quietly and smelled her throat. My mouth was swimming in venom. I swallowed it and hesitated for a long moment as I made absolutely _sure_ that I could do this.

Then, my lips were on hers.

It felt like nothing I've ever felt before. Cold to warm… silk to stone.

She was so delicate and I had to watch every move that I made to make sure not to hurt her unintentionally.

I had to have control and so I didn't let myself get carried away.

I wish I could say the same for her.

She started panting and her fingers wrapped around my neck, up to my hair. Her hands knotted my hair after a short moment, and my lips parted and she breathed in deeply.

By now, I was completely panicked that something was going to go wrong. There was so many things that I wanted to do to her. I wanted to pull her closer by the small curves of her delicate waist. I wanted to fully enjoy the kiss as she was, without having to worry about my mental state and her physical being.

I instantaneously stopped and gently pulled her away. She opened her eyes and looked warily at my expression.

I'm sure she thought that I did want to stop… but she was far off.

I wanted to keep going and kiss her like she was kissing me… without limits. But unfortunately, I could taste my mouth preparing the venom and her scent made my body almost crouch down as if I was bracing myself to spring at a small target.

I had to stop and clear my head before I did something horrible.

"Oops," she gasped.

"That's an understatement."

Even though I need space, I couldn't let her get away from me, even for a few inches. So I kept my face as close as it could without touching.

"Should I…?" she asked already trying to pull away. My hands were like restraints on her waist. I wouldn't let her move even an inch.

"No, it's tolerable. Wait for a moment, please."

She kept her eyes on me, and watched as I attempted to controlled and calmed myself.

Then I smiled gently and was very satisfied with myself.

I had done the impossible and managed it without mistakes..

"There." I said.

"Tolerable?" she asked.

I laughed feeling completely slaphappy.

"I wish I could say the same. I'm sorry." She said chagrined.

"You _are_ only human, after all." I teased her.

"Thanks so much." Her voice bitter..

I half smiled and stood up quickly. I looked at her and held my hand towards her, I'm sure she needs the support. Her eyes widened a little but took my hand.

I decided to tease her with a complete lie. "Are you still faint from the run? Or was it my kissing expertise." I laughed at that. In truth, Bella was the only girl I've ever kissed. I was turned young and after that, human contact was not allowable.

But it felt great to know that Bella would always be my first kiss. I smiled to myself at my private joke.

"I can't be sure," she said, "I'm still woozy. I think it's some of both, though."

"Maybe you should let me drive."

If I knew Bella, she would not be happy with my conclusion.

"Are you insane?"

She didn't disappoint me.

"I can drive better than you on your best day. You have much slower reflexes." I mocked her.

"I'm not sure that's true, but I don't think my nerves, or my truck, could take it.

"Some trust, please, Bella."

That's a lie, because if she gave me any more trust, then something bad would surely happen and that itself is not going to happen.

I could see her hands in her pocket, and she wasn't going to give up her keys easily.

She shook her head. "Nope. Not a chance."

I raised my eyebrows. Had she said no to me? I was getting used to her agreeing to everything. She stepped around me and I blocked her way by wrapping my arm around her waist.

"Bella, I've already expended a great deal of personal effort at this point to keep you alive. I'm not about to let you walk behind the wheel of a vehicle when you can't even walk straight." I decided to tease her. "Besides, friends don't let friends drive drunk," I said with a small laugh.

"Drunk?"

I smiled wide. "You're intoxicated by my very presence."

"I can't argue with that." She sighed and held her key and dropped it. I caught it before it could even hit the floor. "Take it easy—my truck is a senior citizen." She said.

"Very sensible."

"And are you not affected at all?" she hesitated, "By my presence?"

She didn't see herself very clearly… but when she did, it made me happy. I leaned forward and pressed my lips to her lower jaw, up to her ear and back down to her chin. She shivered and her heart doubled.

"Regardless," I murmured, "I have better reflexes."

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	4. Chapter 16 Mind Over Matter

**So, hello everyone! **

**I must say that it's been quite a while and I'm sure that we're all tired of waiting. You guys probably forgot that I'm on alerts! But I assure you, I'm not dead, I'm not stopping and it's just been hell…I will not bore you with my life story but I digress… :)**

**Anyways, I'm not happy with myself because I never take this long to update and I hate waiting too… I'm very impatient.**

**Now I've gotten all my crap sorted out, and let's go for 2 updates a month and if I can get time to write, we'll say 3 :)**

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**Warning: this chapter is 16 pages long… and over 9,000 words. If you do not read such long things, you are in the wrong place :)**

_Disclaimer: I am __**not**__ Stephenie Meyer. This is __**not**__ the real midnight sun. It is my interpretation. Do not steal my work, I work very hard on it. All copyrights go to Stephenie Meyer and you may read her first 12 chapters on her website, found on my profile._

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16. Mind Over Matter

Her scent seemed to swim in the car, as we drove home. My mind was racing incredibly fast from what just happened. I really needed to think a few things over after what just occurred in the meadow.

I drove quietly, with the window open to sneak away her scent from the car. I kept our hands entwined together, driving with one hand. I was thinking deeply about our situation while staring out into the sunset. Sometimes, I'd look down to her and see her brown hair flying gently around her face from the wind of the open window, and just smile.

I turned on the radio to a station with music from the fifties and immediately recognized the song. I started humming along to the tune when Bella spoke and broke the silence.

"You like fifties music?"

I almost laughed. She actually knew the era from which this song was from. This girl never ceased to surprise me. "Music in the fifties was good. Much better than the sixties, or the seventies, ugh! The eighties were bearable." I remembered all the horrible songs the sixties brought to my ears. I mean, they weren't bad… but not so wonderful either.

"Are you ever going to tell me how old you are?" she asked hesitantly.

Damn, from sharing secrets all day, I hadn't realized that I slipped in telling her things about my past. I was never planning on telling her how old I _really_ was, or when I was born… or any detail from my past really.

My days without Bella weren't really something that I was proud of.

Hell, some of my days _with_ Bella weren't something I was proud of, either.

I hid my reaction. "Does it matter much?" I tried to smile without any trace of anger.

"No," she began tentatively, "but I still wonder... there's nothing like an unsolved mystery to keep you up at night."

I thought about it for a minute. What if I really did tell her? I mean, this isn't the _biggest_ secret that I have, but it's still something that I was scared of her leaving for.

_Bella, I'm almost 109 years old. I was born in the early 1900's and I 'died' of Spanish influenza a couple years after that._

Yes, that would go smoothly...

"I wonder if it will upset you." I gazed down into her eyes, searching for a sign that she could hear this. That she could handle it.

That she wouldn't leave me.

"Try me," she said, determined.

I sighed heavily, and just looked at her. It was a good thing I had this road memorized, because my eyes never seemed to leave hers for a long time. Otherwise, an accident would occur and I could never stare into her eyes again. Her eyes were the finest of chocolates

I looked away from her eyes and into the sun and to the light that was glittering off of my skin, sending millions of sparkles into her car.

"I was born in Chicago in 1901," I began. I stole a glance at her, studying her reaction. Her eyes burned with curiosity... never fear, never a reason for leaving. "Carlisle found me in a hospital in the summer of 1918. I was seventeen, and dying of the Spanish influenza."

She gasped softly and I turned to look at her, again. She composed her expression, her eyes looked curious again, waiting for me to continue.

"I don't remember it well—it was a very long time ago, and human memories fade. I do remember how it felt, when Carlisle saved me. It's not an easy thing, not something you could forget."

The pain from when he saved me was unbearable, and while your human memories weaken—good or not—the excruciating pain was something that was eternally branded into my mind.

It's like that for all of us, though. Rosalie's memories were possibly the only ones in the family that was remembered. Her human life, at least. She is the only one of us that holds on to those memories. She's the only one who determines to never forget.

"Your parents?" Bella's voice broke my thoughts.

My parents weren't something I ever talked about. It was just something that I really kept to myself. They were a sensitive subject that I mostly kept to myself.

"They had already died from the disease. I was alone. That was why he chose me. In all the chaos of the epidemic, no one would ever realize I was gone," I murmured. That was enough information on my parents for today. Honestly, that was more than I've said in years.

"How did he... save you?"

I exhaled quietly as I groaned internally. This is _definitely_ something that I didn't want to get into. It was something that she wasn't ready to hear, and it was something that I wasn't ready to share. But I had to give her something. I knew that she wouldn't let this go.

"It was difficult. Not many of us have the restraint necessary to accomplish it. But Carlisle has always been the most humane, the most compassionate of us... I don't think you could find his equal throughout all of history" I thought of Esme... that when she entered the "family," she _became_ his equal. She is the one made for him. "For me, it was merely very, very painful." I stopped there before I could get into details. That was _enough_ information.

But I could tell that she wanted more. I mean, what sane person could handle this and not want any more?

The answer is no one. Because honestly, Bella isn't sane, at all sometimes.

I spoke in no more than a whisper. "He acted on loneliness. That's usually the reason behind the choice. I was first in Carlisle's family, though he found Esme soon after. She fell from a cliff. They brought her straight to the hospital morgue, though, somehow her heart was still beating."

I was lost in memories... well, not mine. I read Carlisle's thoughts when he had come home with her in his arms. At first I thought it was a horrible idea. I thought that she would ruin what Carlisle worked so hard to build. But when she was lying down in that bed, she looked harmless. And so, she became a part of both our lives. It was if she was molded to be Carlisle's wife and a mother to my siblings and I.

"So you must be dying, then, to become..." Bella trailed off.

It didn't take a genius to figure out what she was trying to ask. We never said that word aloud and I'm sure that she didn't want to start now.

"No, that's just Carlisle. He would never do that to someone who had another choice. It's easier he says, though, if the blood is weak."

I stopped again, not letting myself getting carried away into my explanation.

"And Emmett and Rosalie?" she continued to ask.

Emmett was a bit easier to tell her about. But Rosalie? I will never get into that discussion with Bella. Rosalie's story is something that she will choose to tell... and frankly, knowing Rosalie's feelings for Bella made me feel like she will _never_ tell her. But again, I gave her what I could. What could I deny Bella?

"Carlisle brought Rosalie to our family next. I didn't realize till much later that he was hoping she would be to me what Esme was to him—he was careful with his thoughts around me." I rolled my eyes. "But she was _never_ more than a sister." I didn't want Bella to get the wrong idea. "It was only two years later that she found Emmett. She was hunting—we were in Appalachia at the time—and found a bear about to finish him off. She carried him back to Carlisle, more than a hundred miles, afraid she wouldn't be able to do it herself." I thought about it for a moment. As much as Rosalie _pains_ me as a sister, she is possibly the only one who could relate to me. We both loved humans—even though Emmett wasn't one for that much longer—she is the only one who could even begin to realize _how_ _much_ Bella means to me. "I'm only beginning to guess how difficult that journey was for her." I looked at her, raised our intertwined hands together and brushed it softly against her cheek. I became distracted for a moment, admiring how soft and warm her skin felt under my touch.

"But she made it." Bella said in no more than a whisper.

"Yes," I breathed. "She saw something in his face that made her strong enough. And they've been together ever since. Sometimes they live separately from us, as a married couple." I scoffed silently. If I have to hear _one_ more story about them being together from Emmett, I swear, there might be a problem here. "But the younger we pretend to be, the longer we can all stay in any given place. Forks seemed perfect, so we all enrolled in high school." I chuckled. "I suppose we'll go to their wedding in a few years, _again_."

She smiled slightly. "Alice and Jasper?"

Jasper is another one of those family members that I'd rather not talk about. He is the one who needs to tell Bella this... if he ever will. "Alice and Jasper are two very rare creatures," I said. "They both developed a conscience, as we refer to it, with no outside guidance. Jasper belonged to another..." I pursed my lips. How do I word this correctly? "…family, a _very_ different kind of family. He became depressed and he wandered on his own. Alice found him. Like me, she has... certain gifts above and beyond the norm for our kind."

"Really?" she said, mesmerized. "But you said you were the only one who could hear people's thoughts."

"That's true. She knows other things. She... _sees_ things—things that might happen, things that are coming." Then I was reminded of our family discussion nights ago.

Alice's vision... Bella's cold, dead, limp body in my arms while my eyes were blood-red. And if that didn't get me mad, the other one did! Bella with her arms around Alice... both cold... both pale white and hard as stone. And Bella's eyes were a light honey color. Alice's vision made it seem so real. I can't go back to them... I'll lose it.

"But," I continued, "it's very subjective. The future isn't set in stone. Things change." I quickly glanced at her face, now dark because of the night sky, but I looked back to the road before she could notice.

"What kind of things does she see?"

"She saw Jasper and knew that he was looking for her before he knew it himself. She saw Carlisle and our family, and they came together to find us. She's the most sensitive to non- humans. She always sees, for example, when another group of our kind is coming near. And any threat they may pose."

"Are there a lot of... your kind?"

"No, not many." Granted, that was a tiny lie, but I wasn't going to get her worried about anything. One family of vampires is staggering enough for her. "But most won't settle in any one place. Only those like us, who've given up hunting you people," I swiftly looked down to her and back to the road, "can live together with humans in any length of time. We've only found one other family like ours, in a small village in Alaska. We lived together for a time, but there were so many of us that we became too noticeable. Those of us who live... differently tend to band together."

Her eyebrows furrowed. "And the others?"

"Nomads, for the most part. We've all lived that way at times. It gets tedious, like anything else. But we run across the others now and then, because most of us prefer the North."

"Why is that?"

I parked in front of her driveway and turned off her truck. I looked her face, pale in the night sky.

"Did you have your eyes open this afternoon?" I chuckled. "Do you think I could walk down the street in the sunlight without causing traffic accidents? There's a reason why we chose the Olympic Peninsula—one of the most sunless places in the world. It's nice to be able to go outside in the day. You wouldn't believe how tired you can get of nighttime in eighty-odd years.

"So that's where the legends come from?" she inferred.

"Probably."

"And Alice came from another family, like Jasper?"

"No, and that _is_ a mystery," I admitted. "Alice doesn't remember her human life at all. And she doesn't know who created her. She awoke alone. Whoever made her walked away, and none of us understand why, or how, he could. If she hadn't had that other sense, if she hadn't seen Jasper or Carlisle and known that she would someday become one of us, she probably would have turned into a total savage."

Thinking about Alice as a savage is just something no one can do. The way she is now, you'd never think of her as a monster, or a bloodthirsty uncontrollable creature. She's now a part of something that _needed_ to be a part of her from the very beginning of her transformation. I couldn't even imagine my little sister walking the streets, tricking the women, seducing the men into her clutches that would evidently lead them to their death.

I can't think of Alice without her honey brown eyes. Just imagining them being crimson… blood- red… is horrendous. I couldn't imagine her glowing smile on a face with those scarlet eyes. She would be the epitome of a deceiving beautiful demon.

Minutes passed of me just staring out into the dark sky. Bella's stomach woke me up from my thoughts.

"I'm sorry, I'm keeping you from dinner."

"I'm fine, really," she assured me.

"I've never spent much time around anyone who eats food. I forget."

"I want to stay with you," she murmured.

Another internal conflict. _What to do now, Edward?_ Well, I guess this could be a start of a good night. "Can't I come in?"

She almost smiled. "Would you like to?"

I was already opening my door, eager. "Yes, if it's all right." I walked to her door, opening it for her. I liked how she wasn't shocked at the fact of my speed now. It made me want to smile.

"Very human," she teased.

"It's definitely resurfacing."

She walked slowly toward her house and I kept pace, walking right beside her.

With lightening speed, I grabbed the key that her father kept hidden and opened the door as she reached for it.

She stopped for a moment. "The door was unlocked?"

"No, I used the key from under the eave."

She stepped inside, only to turn on the porch lights and looked back at me with accusing eyes, insisting on answers.

"I was curious about you," I mumbled innocently.

"You spied on me?" she asked. But it wasn't angry, like I expected. It was... pleased?

"What else is there to do at night?" I shrugged.

I left her dumbfounded on the porch, smiling to myself, pleased with my new-found confidence around her. I walked to her kitchen and sat down on her chair. She went over to her refrigerator and grabbed what smelled like... oregano?

I thought about coming here at night like this. I wondered if she minded spending every night like this. I don't want to seem like an obsessed vampire stalker, but if she didn't mind, then I would be happy to come and just watch her sleep. I'm sure she would be very upset if she ever found out that I _do_ come here almost every night doing just so.

I thought about my family. About Alice's visions, in particular. I had promised her that I wouldn't let the visions control me. I promised her that I would change the future. Alice had been right all along. I wasn't strong enough to stay away from Bella, but I swear that I _will_ be safe for her. After this afternoon, it felt like my restraint had grown—like a new strength embodied me. The way I could maintain my control with Bella's scent just inches away, the way I held her to my body as she fit into my arms, the way I could handle the sweet taste of her lips... I marveled over those moments. Those precious memories.

"How often?" she asked, breaking my thoughts.

"Hmmm?" I turned to face her, losing my train of thought.

She was turned toward the counter-top, preparing her late dinner. "How often did you come here?"

"I come here almost every night," I admitted.

She turned. "Why?"

"You're interesting when you sleep. You talk."

Her eyes widened in disbelief and her knees buckled. I could smell something familiar in the air and looked at her flaming-red cheeks.

I fully turned myself to look at her and became extremely ashamed, "Are you angry with me?"

"That depends!" she said, breathlessly.

I sat there, waiting for her to finish her sentence. When she didn't, I was absolute that I made her awfully uncomfortable. "On?" I pushed.

"What you heard!" she cried.

Without realizing what I was doing, I walked swiftly to her and took her hands. "Don't be upset!"

She was trying to look away from my gaze and I held her cheeks gingerly in my hands. "You miss your mother." I started, whispering. "You worry about her. And when it rains, the sound makes you restless." I remember that one night where it was lightly drizzling and then became a small down pour. I remembered the way she used to turn to any side of her bed and the way she used to mumble, tiredly into her pillow, hoping to sleep. "You used to talk about home a lot, but it's less often now. Once you said, 'It's too _green_.'" I chuckled, inaudibly.

She looked up to my face, still a little red from embarrassment, "Anything else?" she asked, mildly irritated.

I sighed. I think I know the direction of her thoughts. I'm pretty sure that she was thinking about me. "You did say my name," I said, softly.

She let out a long sigh, closing her eyes. "A lot?"

I raised my eyebrows. Well, that was certainly something I didn't expect to hear. By the number of times she said my name, I'd say that she dreams about me only a couple times a week. "How much do you mean 'a lot', exactly?"

She opened her shocked eyes and looked down, hanging her head in defeat. "Oh no!"

I pulled her closer to me, in a comforting hug. "Don't be self-conscious," I said, gently, at the base of her ear. "If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it."

Oh, how I yearned for sleep. But not to escape my purgatory, hell of a life... but to _dream_. And not just dream any dream, to dream of Bella and only her.

I held her for what seemed like forever. I wanted to bury my face in her hair and just take in all her beauty.

The headlights coming from the road awoke me. She saw them too and became rigid in my arms.

"Should your father know I'm here?"

"I'm not sure..."

I smiled to myself, thinking of a plan. I could just go home and come back later tonight like I always do. Or, since she seems to know about my habits at night, I could just stay and wait in her room.

"Another time then..." and I left her in the kitchen. Unwrapping my arms from her waist and heading up the stairs, I could her aggravated protests.

"Edward!"

I laughed quietly to myself and propped myself on her bed. How ironic that I've always wanted to do this and now I was technically invited to.

I could hear the police cruiser parking in the driveway and her dad came in the house, his squeaky boots making Bella jump.

Since I can't read Bella's thoughts, I settled for her father's. Now I really only heard his thoughts once. It was in the hospital, the day of the van incident.

_What a day... Hmm, why is Bella all jumpy?_

I rolled my eyes. She was worried about telling him she was going to spend the day with me and I wonder what her father would think if he knew that I was upstairs. The idea of him finding out and stomping upstairs with a shotgun pointed at my head was intimidating, but mostly entertaining... He would be baffled at the fact that I won't drop dead.

"_Can you get me some of that? I'm bushed." _Charlie asked Bella.

I could see Bella, through Charlie's eyes, half-running to the fridge and getting him some food. She put his food down on the table in front of him and started eating her dinner awfully fast. She should slow down and chew her food carefully. I don't want her to choke. If that were to happen, I would shamelessly fly into the kitchen from her bedroom to tend to her. Whatever the crime or punishment, it would pale next to Bella in the hospital… again.

_Bella's acting strange. I wonder if she had an off day. "Thanks."_

Bella responded with a half-mumbled, quick "How was your day?" making Charlie suspicious.

"_Good. The fish were biting... how about you? Did you get everything done that you wanted to?_

"_Not really—it was too nice to stay indoors."_

_Dang, she's eating pretty quickly there. Hmmm, did she even eat all day? "It was a nice day."_

Bella finished her dinner and started drinking—no, chugging down—her milk. _"In a hurry?" _Charlie commented.

"_Yeah, I'm tired. I'm going to bed early."_

"_You look kinda keyed up."_

"_Do I?" Okay, something's definitely up. I've never seen Bella like this before. She looks like she... she just spent the day with a— a god or something. _

I scoffed. A god?

"_It's Saturday. No plans tonight?" Maybe she had a date and didn't tell me._

"_No, Dad, I just want to get some sleep."_

_Okay, maybe I'm letting my imagination run wild. But it never hurts to ask... "None of the boys your type, eh?"_

"_No, none of the boys caught my eye yet." Her eyes are telling me something else though... there's definitely a boy._

"_I thought that Mike Newton... you said he was friendly."_

Mike Newton? Bella talks about him at home? Please, he's lucky to be alive by this point. If I hadn't the conscience and the chance, I would have ripped his heart out long ago. Or, at least file a missing person's report on him. He could mysteriously fall into the abyss. But I'm just over exaggerating… kind of.

"_He's _just_ a friend, Dad." _Bella said with no humor in her voice.

_So, no boys? Interesting... I'd thought someone like Bells would get at least some admirers by this point._

Oh, she's got admirers... and many are just lucky to be breathing. Like that vile— should-be-dead— Mike Newton.

"_Well, you're too good for them all, anyway. Wait till you get to college to start looking." Then it will be out of my hands whether or not you can, or can't date anyone._

"_Sounds like a good idea to me." Whoa, she actually agrees with me? Hmm, yes, there's something going on._

Bella started to walk towards the stairs.

_I'm going to check on her tonight. There might be no boys, but something's certainly off here. "'Night, honey."_

"_See you in the morning, Dad."_

I chuckled. Her father's thoughts are quiet, but revealing in a way. It makes me wonder what truly goes on in Bella's head. Then again, what _doesn't _make me wonder that? I heard footsteps coming to the door and I swiftly hid behind it.

She came in the room looking exhausted and went straight for the window. She opened it and stuck her head out a little. "Edward?" she whispered to the darkness.

I thought this was a little amusing, so, laughing, I went to lie on her bed. "Yes?" I chuckled.

She turned around and spotted me, letting out a huge humph, and her hand flew to her throat, surprised.

"Oh!" she breathed out, sinking to the floor.

It was a little humorous, but nothing causing her stress was supposed to be funny, so I pursed my lips and tried not to laugh. "I'm sorry."

She put one hand up, still on the floor. "Just give me a minute to restart my heart."

I started to walk toward her, slowly, trying not to scare her again. I reached out for her slender arms and picked her up. I went to sit on her bed and patted the spot next to me. "Why don't you sit with me?" She walked towards her bed and sat down next to me. "How's the heart?"

"You tell me—I'm sure you hear it better than I do," she whispered.

I chuckled. She was right, actually. Her heart became my siren call. I could hear her heartbeat from miles away.

We sat like this again, for endless minutes.

"Can I have a minute to be human?" she asked suddenly, sitting up.

"Certainly."

She stood up from my arms and ran to the door. She stopped before leaving and looked back at me with a look that was trying to be intimidating. "Stay," she said strictly.

"Yes, ma'am." I said, as I left to lay on the edge of her bed.

She took some clothes out the door with her and I heard her running to the bathroom. It's strange to think about the fact that she knows everything now. It's completely overwhelming. The feeling of euphoria passed through me and was suddenly replaced with guilt. What if her knowing will bring us some trouble? What if... it gets her in danger?

I knew that I shouldn't be thinking about all the "What if's?" because then, all the anger that I've been putting would resurface.

Then I heard footsteps coming closer and Bella bidding a goodnight to her father. The chief was surprised to see her in pajamas and ready for bed. He actually thought that she was going out or something. The thought of Bella sneaking out almost made me laugh out loud.

She came inside her room almost too quiet, making little noise as possible and turned to face me. I smiled taking in her glory. She was wearing some old sweats and her hair was damp and wavy. Her curls were over her face making her porcelain skin glow in the darkness.

She was absolutely stunning.

I decided to tease her, "Nice."

She scrunched her face.

"No, it looks good on you."

"Thanks," she said softly. She walked over to the bed and sat by my side with her legs crossed. She was looking down onto the floor.

"What was all that for?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"Charlie thinks I'm sneaking out."

Well, I sort of figured that by his mind. But what I didn't know is why she would look like she was sneaking out to him.

"Oh, why?"

"Apparently, I look a little overexcited."

I reached down to her face and lifted her chin so she could look at me. "You look very warm, actually."

I turned my head down to her face and placed my cheek to her collarbone.

I breathed in; taking the burn and feeling it pass through my body. But I welcomed it. As I burn, she lives.

"Mmmmmm..."

I kept my face on her skin, enjoying the feelings I was having now.

"It seems to be... much easier for you, now, to be close to me."

I was gliding my nose from her collarbone to her jaw and back. "Does it seem that way to you?"

She was breathing louder now. "Much, much easier."

"Hmm," I said, as I glided my mouth back to her neck.

"So I was wondering…" she began, so softly that I thought she just fainted.

I almost chuckled, thinking that I could get that reaction out of her, just by feeling her neck.

"Yes?" I urged her to continue.

"Why is that? Do you think?" she finished, her voice cracking at the end.

I wouldn't be lying if I told her that I didn't know. Because honestly, I didn't. I mean, I've thought of why it's become so much easier to be around her. The only conclusion that I could come across is that the more time I spend with her, the more desensitized I'd become.

"Mind over matter."

She suddenly pulled back and I froze — no longer breathing.

I looked at her, wondering if something was wrong. Her face gave nothing away, her expression unreadable. And as always, my irritation for not being able to read her mind all of a sudden crashed.

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked.

She sighed, a small smile playing on her lips, "No — the opposite. You're driving me crazy."

That was something that I'd never expect her to say tonight. I was only expressing my feelings for her by _feeling_ her. In the literal, practical way. Which is something that I'd never be able to do unless I was fully in control. It's actually quite relieving to know that even though it might burn my throat and make me feel like a monster... I'm doing something right.

"Really?" I said contently with a playful smile.

She glowered at me. "Would you like a round of applause?" sarcasm dripping out of her voice.

I grinned.

"I'm just pleasantly surprised," I explained after her eyes didn't soften. "In the last hundred years or so, I never imagined anything like this. I didn't believe I would ever find someone I wanted to be with… in another way than my brothers and sisters. And then to find, even though it's all new to me, that I'm good at it…" That thought alone made me pleased. The thought that I was good at the same thing that I was afraid of. "…at being with you…"

"You're good at everything," she lightly accused.

I shrugged and she raised her eyebrows in humor. We both laughed softly, together, not trying to make any more noise.

"But how can it be so easy now? This afternoon…"

"It's not _easy_," I sighed. "But this afternoon, I was still… undecided." Talking about this afternoon in the meadow made me remember my ridiculous behavior when she so casually tried to touch me. "I am sorry about that, it was unforgivable for me to behave so."

"Not unforgivable," she opposed.

"Thank you." I smiled to her. "You see," I looked down now, trying to explain, "I wasn't sure if I was strong enough…" I looked to her knees where her hand was resting and picked it up to press the softness to my cheek. "And while there was still that possibility that I might be… overcome" — I quickly breathed in the scent at her wrist that was against me— "I was… susceptible. Until I made up my mind that I _was _strong enough, that there was no possibility at all that I would… that I ever could…"

I struggled. I couldn't find the right enough words to explain. On one hand, I was explaining to her just how much the feeling of desire for her is capable of overpowering me unless I am fully in control, but there was something else there… something hidden behind my mind that I just can't seem to figure out.

"So there's no possibility now?" she interrupted my internal effort for words.

I exhaled repeating my words form before as if they could be the explanation to everything, "Mind over matter," I repeated, smiling.

She was silent for a moment, taking in all the information that I had laid out for her.

"Wow, that was easy," she said, breaking the silence.

My eyes widened in disbelief and I shook with quiet carefree laughter.

"Easy for _you_!" I said jokingly, touching the tips of my fingers to her nose.

But I then became serious. I knew that from everything that I've experienced being with her, and trying not to be the monster that I am, I didn't think that she'd feel the same way.

I remember that first night, I heard her broken, sleep-consumed whispers while I sat in the corner of her room. She had said, 'I love you'. And suddenly Alice's words from the day that I saved Bella from the van — that was so long ago, I could swear it felt like a different life time — came back into my mind…

*****

_I love her too. Or I will. It's not the same. But I want her around for that. _Alice thought.

"Love her _too?_" I whispered, incredulous.

She sighed._ You are so blind, Edward. Can't you see where you're headed? Can't you see where you already are? It's more inevitable than the sun rising in the east. See what I see…_

*****

Alice had been right all along. I knew that I loved Bella, but hearing _her_ say it was completely life-changing for me. I didn't think that she would ever be able to love me… that I was worthy of her love. Did a monster like me deserve such goodness, like Bella?

"I'm trying," I whispered to her, "If it gets to be… too much, I'm fairly sure I'll be able to leave. And it will be harder tomorrow, I've had the scent of you in my head all day, and I've grown amazingly desensitized. If I'm away from you for any length of time, I'll have to start over again. Not quite from scratch, though, I think."

"Don't go away, then," she said, her face anxious and wanting.

"That suits me," I replied, with a small smile. "Bring on the shackles — I'm your prisoner." I took both her wrists and wrapped my hands around them making shackles in _her_ hands. I laughed softly again, realizing how I reversed the situation. She could belong to me in such a way...

"You seem more… optimistic than usual. I haven't seen you like this before."

"Isn't it supposed to be like this?" I smiled at her. "The glory of first love and all that. It's incredible, isn't it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?"

"Very different," she agreed, her face giving a soft expression. "More forceful than I'd imagined."

Oh, she had no idea… "For example; the emotion of jealousy. I've read about it a hundred thousand times, seen actors portray it in a thousand different plays and movies. I believed I understood that one pretty clearly. But it shocked me…" I scowled. "Do you remember the day that Mike asked you to the dance?"

She nodded, remembering. "The day you started talking to me again."

"I was surprised by the flare of resentment, almost fury, that I felt — I didn't recognize what it was at first. I was even more aggravated than usual that I couldn't know what you were thinking, why you refused him. Was it simply for your friend's sake? Was there someone else? I knew I had no right to care either way. I _tried _not to care.

"And then the line started forming," I chuckled to myself. "I waited, unreasonably anxious to hear what you would say to them, to watch your expressions. I couldn't deny the relief I felt, watching the annoyance on your face. But I couldn't be sure."

This was definitely a night for confession… I've told her a lot tonight. "That was the first night I came here. I wrestled all night, while watching you sleep, with the chasm between what I knew was _right_, moral, ethical, and what I _wanted_. I knew that if I continued to ignore you as I should, or if I left for a few years, till you were gone, that someday you would say yes to Mike, or someone like him. It made me angry."

The memory from that day was still clearly vivid in my head and I could replay the whole night as well. I had heard her speak my name that night… it felt awakening… liberating. "And then," I started to whisper, "as you were sleeping, you said my name. You spoke so clearly, at first I thought you'd woken. But you rolled over restlessly and mumbled my name once more, and sighed. The feeling that coursed through me then was unnerving, staggering. And I knew I couldn't ignore you any longer." I became silent, waiting for her to gauge what I'd just told, enjoying the sound of her heartbeat change.

"But jealousy…" I continued, "it's a strange thing. So much more powerful than I would have thought. And irrational! Just now, when Charlie asked you about that vile Mike Newton…" I shook my head irately.

"I should have known you'd be listening," she groaned, annoyed.

"Of course," I said.

"_That _made you feel jealous, though, really?" she said, skeptical.

"I'm new at this; you're resurrecting the human in me, and everything feels stronger because it's fresh."

"But honestly, for that to bother you, after I have to hear that Rosalie — Rosalie, the incarnation of pure beauty, _Rosalie _— was meant for you. Emmett or no Emmett, how can I compete with that?"

I smiled. Is that where she was getting at? "There's no competition." I said, honestly. I took her hands that were still in mine and wrapped it around my waist, holding her to my chest, breathing cautiously.

"I _know _there's no competition," I heard her mumbling. "That's the problem."

"Of course, Rosalie _is _beautiful in her way, but even if she wasn't like a sister to me, even if Emmett didn't belong with her, she could never have one tenth, no one hundredth of the attraction you hold for me." I said, seriously. "For almost ninety years I've walked among my kind and yours… all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren't alive yet."

"It hardly seems fair," she mumbled into my shirt, again. "I haven't had to wait at all. Why should I get off so easily?"

I smirked to myself. "You're right, I should make this harder for you, definitely." I let go of one of her hands and took it again into my other hand so I could caress her wet hair, gently. I stroked from the top of her hair to the middle of her waist. "You only have to risk your life every second you spend with me, that's surely not much. You only have to turn your back on nature, on humanity… what's that worth?"

"Very little — I don't feel deprived of anything," she said, sure of herself.

"Not yet."

_Maybe I should check on her… she looked kinda keyed up earlier. And very suspicious. I mean, taking a shower to prove you're _not_ going to sneak out? Maybe that window should have a lock and key…_

Charlie.

She tried to break away from my grasp, but I held her down.

"What —" she asked, but I broke away from her and ran to go behind the door. I'm sure she didn't even notice I left.

"Lie down!" I whispered, from behind the door.

She quickly laid down and placed her blanket on top of her with her face facing away from the door. She breathed in, slowly and exaggerating her movements, reminding me of that time she fainted in biology and in the nurse I had told her to pretend to be sick. I rolled my eyes as her father slowly opened the door, peeked in and left.

_Well, I guess I can rest easy tonight. Bella's safely in her bed… and not sneaking out, thank God._

I chuckled to myself. Charlie was definitely an interesting man.

I went to the side of the bed that she wasn't in and wrapped my arms around her, trying not to scare her again.

I whispered in her ears, "You are a terrible actress — I'd say that career path is out for you."

"Darn it," she muttered, joking.

I started to hum the melody that I began to write. It was actually complete and Esme thought it was simply beautiful. She had even told me that if she could cry, she would, when I played the full song for her.

Alice liked it, too. She knew it was for Bella hours after I began writing it. She even figured out that the plastic bottle cap that was on top of my piano came from Bella, as well. What a know-it-all. What a little sister. I mentally sighed… what an Alice.

I paused, suddenly getting an idea. "Should I sing you to sleep?"

"Right," she scoffed. "Like I could sleep with you here!"

"You do it all the time," I told her.

"But I didn't _know _you were here," she pointed out.

What would she want to do now anyway? "So, if you don't want to sleep…"

"If I don't want to sleep…?" she asked, softly.

I laughed, "What do you want to do then?"

There was a long pause before she said anything. She stared into the ceiling, thinking.

"I'm not sure," she finally said.

"Tell me when you decide."

We laid together, enveloped in each other, for minutes, so I leaned down and inhaled the scent from her neck, gently.

"I thought you were desensitized."

"Just because I'm resisting the wine doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet," I mumbled, "You have a very floral smell, like lavender…" I sniffed again, detecting more of the wonderful smell of her, "or freesia. It's mouthwatering." I tensed when I realized what I had just said. I really hope she doesn't take that the wrong way...

"Yeah, it's an off day when I don't get _somebody _telling me how edible I smell," she teased.

I sighed, relieved. She was still in a good mood.

"I've decided what I want to do, I want to hear more about you," she said.

"Ask me anything."

Her face scrunched up while he probably thought of what question she should ask, since she probably thinks of many per day.

"Why do you do it?" she asked. "I still don't understand how you can work so hard to resist what you… _are_. Please don't misunderstand, of course, I'm glad that you do. I just don't see why you would bother in the first place."

I pursed my lips, thinking. Many memories came back to me then. The lives I took, the last thoughts they had. The many people that I could have saved.

The answer is easy… I don't want to be a monster—even though I think of myself like that a lot. "That's a good question and you are not the first one to ask it. The others — the majority of our kind who are quite content with our lot — they, too, wonder at how we live." From every place that we've been, every time we encounter a new nomad around, they never fail to ask _how_ we live like this. Carlisle answers that so much, he possibly has his answers memorized. "But you see, just because we've been… dealt a certain hand… it doesn't mean that we can't choose to rise above — to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we can."

She stopped moving; only breathing deeply. She became quiet in my arms and didn't seem to be awake anymore.

"Did you fall asleep?" I whispered.

"No," she said.

"Is that all you were curious about?"

"Not quite."

"What else do you want to know?" I asked in the darkness.

"Why can you read minds — why only you? And Alice, seeing the future… why does that happen?"

I shrugged, seeing no harm in telling the truth. "We don't really know. Carlisle has a theory… he believes that we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the next life, where they are intensified — like our minds, and our senses. He thinks that I must have already been very sensitive to the thoughts of those around me. And that Alice had some precognition, wherever she was."

She considered that, and was quiet for only a short second before asking another question. "What did he bring into the next life, and the others?"

"Carlisle brought his compassion. Esme brought her ability to love passionately. Emmett brought his strength, Rosalie her… tenacity. Or you could call it pigheadedness." I laughed to myself. "Jasper is very interesting," I continued, "He was quite charismatic in his first life, able to influence those around him to see things his way. Now he is able to manipulate the emotions of those around him — calm down a room of angry people, for example, or excite a lethargic crowd, conversely. It's a very subtle gift."

"So where did it all start? I mean, Carlisle changed you, and then someone must have changed him, and so on…" she asked, her questions flowing more easily now.

"Well, where did you come from? Evolution? Creation? Couldn't we have evolved in the same way as other species, predator and prey? Or, if you don't believe that all this world could have just happened on its own, which is hard for me to accept myself, is it so hard to believe that the same force that created the delicate angelfish with the shark, the baby seal and the killer whale, could create both our kinds together?"

"Let me get this straight — I'm the baby seal, right?"

I chuckled, "Right." And I leaned into her damp hair and pressed my lips to the top, inhaling silently.

"Are you ready to sleep?" I asked, after another couple of minutes of silence. "Or do you have any more questions?"

"Only a million or two," she teased.

"We have tomorrow, and the next day, and the next…" I smiled, loving the way that sounded. We have many days in the future to get to know each other.

"Are you sure you won't vanish in the morning? You are mythical, after all."

I didn't like that she thought I would leave her. I wouldn't be able to… Alice had said I am not strong enough to leave her and she's absolutely right. The hold that Bella has on me is permanent and unbreakable.

"I won't leave you," I said, promising.

"One more, then, tonight…" she began, hesitantly. I could feel the warmth rising in her cheeks.

She was blushing?

"What is it?" I asked, curiously.

"No, forget it. I changed my mind."

"Bella, you can ask me anything."

She kept quiet while I waited.

And waited.

I groaned aloud, expressing my feelings of irritation.

"I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it just gets worse and _worse,_" I confessed.

"I'm glad you can't read my thoughts. It's bad enough that you eavesdrop on my sleep-talking."

She had me there. It's not like I _didn't_ know that I was a peeping tom. I did it for the sake of my curiosity… and the fact that her hold on me seems to grow stronger by the day. It couldn't be ignored. "Please?" I asked, trying my best to use my persuasive voice.

She shook her head, stubborn as ever.

"If you don't tell me, I'll just assume it's something much worse than it is. Please?"

"Well," she began.

"Yes?" I encouraged.

"You said that Rosalie and Emmett will get married soon…" she paused to take a breath, "Is that… marriage… the same as it is for humans?"

I laughed out loud. That's not that bad of a question. I thought it was something much worse. "Is _that _what you're getting at?"

She didn't respond, waiting for me to answer.

"Yes, I suppose it is much the same. I told you, most of those human desires are there, just hidden behind more powerful desires."

"Oh."

Oh, what? There must be something else."Was there a purpose behind your curiosity?"

"Well," she hesitated, "I did wonder… about you and me… someday…"

I froze, understanding the meaning behind her words, and questions.

"I don't think that… that… would be possible for us." I softly said, hiding how flustered I was.

"Because it would be too hard for you, if I were that… close?"

"That's certainly a problem. But that's not what I was thinking of. It's just that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that we're together so that I don't hurt you. I could kill you quite easily, Bella, simply by accident." I rested my hand gently on her soft cheek. "If I was too hasty… if for one second I wasn't paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull by mistake. You don't realize how incredibly _breakable _you are." Like a delicate bubble that I compared her to when I first touched her warm cheek at school, "I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you."

I stopped talking, hoping I didn't scare her with my words. Hoping that she could understand that I could never do anything to hurt her on purpose. When she didn't answer, I became agitated. "Are you scared?" I asked, softly.

She didn't respond, again. She took a silent deep breath, but I could feel her chest rising, and then spoke, quietly.

"No. I'm fine."

"I'm curious now, though," I said, trying to change the subject. "Have _you _ever…?" I trailed off.

"Of course not." She blushed, her cheeks flaming again. "I told you I've never felt like this about anyone before, not even close."

"I know. It's just that I know other people's thoughts. I know love and lust don't always keep the same company."

"They do for me," she said, "Now, anyway, that they exist for me at all."

"That's nice. We have that one thing in common, at least." I told her, content.

"Your human instincts…" she began to hesitate again, "Well, do you find me attractive, in _that _way, at all?"

She's asking if I find her attractive? I laughed, rolling my eyes, and playing with her now dry hair.

"I may not be a human, but I am a man," I chuckled. That was true. Her beauty shined through my eyes and I found her stunning. She was beautiful in the simplest of ways, inside and out.

She let out a long yawn.

"I've answered your questions, now you should sleep."

"I'm not sure if I can."

"Do you want me to leave?" I knew full well she wouldn't, yet hoping she would. I sighed internally. These two sides will never be resolved.

"No!" she almost yelled.

I chuckled. I was getting better at reading her mind—or expressions, I should say. I began to hum the same lullaby that I had composed for her, hoping she would fall into a deep sleep, and hoping to hear her speak through her dreams.

*****

After she had been sleeping for a while, I left her bed and sat at the edge to get a better look at her.

Hours passed and I could hear her starting to mumble.

"Edward…" she whispered, "I… love you."

I smiled silently and the feeling the coursed through me was unexplainable. The feeling of absolute love. The one that makes you feel… complete. The one that makes you feel like you could soar through the heavens with wings. _That_ feeling… is overwhelming.

"Mmmm…"

This girl is everything to me. She has become the center of my world and it all revolves around her. Every moment that I spend with her is so precious to me.

"Don't go…" she mumbled into her pillow, "Stay… Edward…"

I took hold of her hand, hoping not to keep it too long in case she gets cold, and began to trace her palm with my fingers, mesmerized once again how soft she felt. Like the smoothest velvet.

I think from all the time that we've spend together, she has learned a lot about me that I haven't told many people about.

My family knows me and there aren't many secrets in my house. Which means that Emmett has been giving me hell for falling for Bella. I mean, he likes her, but he's always joking around about how I had never taken an interest in anyone and all my love went to this beautiful human girl that I almost killed.

After once or twice, you tend to get annoyed over his jokes.

But that was Emmett. And Esme was really just ecstatic. Carlisle was happy for me. Alice was a pain, annoying me over every time that I _didn't _let her talk to Bella. Jasper was somewhat like Emmett, joking around, but he was also empathetic, understanding the situation with my thirst. And Rosalie was…. well, Rosalie.

All through the night, while I watched her sleep, I was thinking that it might be time for Bella to meet my family.

* * *

**Thank you for reading this chapter and I promise you guys that the next will be sooner than months… I will do my absolute best.**

**Leave me your thoughts in reviews and I will answer to many!**

**I did get a new beta, Jen, and JFresshh on fanfiction. I owe her my life right now, and she is my freaking love at this moment. Your words make my story (Well, Stephenie's) better, so thank you :) Here's a note from her to you readers… warning you that she can be a little nutty ;)**

_JFresshh's AN: CHYEAH. NEW BETA IN EDWARD'S HOUSE! I swear, if you didn't like this chapter, I'm going to think you're high ;D Enjoy what you can or you can't get this vamptastic man! Leave a review. Click it, hit it, strip it, whatever... -kills the lights-_

**Haha! Thanks Jen :)**

**Current stories that I am obsessed with:**

_Complacent Lies by UndelvedInterpretations _[SUCH an amazing story, so read and review!]

_The Misapprehension of Bella Swan by hunterhunting_ [Makes me die of laughter :)]

_Blinding by xlavendermoonx_ [Amazing plot and beautifully written… read!]

_An Introduction to Swirl and Daisy by m81170_ [Cutest. Little. Story. Ever. Beware the "AWW!" factor]

_Hope by 301Francesca1_ [A painful story… but such a great one, give it a shot :)]

**A/N: I remember the part about him saying he only wanted to dream somewhere in Stephenie's Midnight Sun chapter 1, and took the idea for that part. I think it worked there.**

**Leave me some love on reviews, and thanks for reading!**

**-Juli**


	5. Chapter 17 The Cullens

**Hello everyone!**

**Here's our next chapter in the story… I'm sorry these are all coming late! I've been trying to write a lot for me to update but just last week, I had finals and so I had to focus entirely on that and now its summer, and I'll update once more before I take a month break for vacation. I'll leave an author's note next chapter letting you all know when I'll update again.**

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**Some quick shout outs to my reviewers:**

**- PAULINA FERNANDEZ: Thank you for being so nice in your review :) It made me smile so wide! I love Mexico, by the way, Muchas gracias, querida. Hablo español un poco :)**

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**Please enjoy the chapter… Take it away Edward!**

**Warning: this chapter is 20 pages long… and over 10,000 words. If you do not read such long things, you are in the wrong place!**

_Disclaimer: I am __**not**__ Stephenie Meyer. This is __**not**__ the real "Midnight Sun." It is my interpretation. Do not steal my work, I work very hard on it. All copyrights go to Stephenie Meyer and you may read her first 12 chapters on her website, found on my profile._

* * *

Chapter 17. The Cullens

I looked out from her bedroom window where I saw the faintest of light coming in through it.

Dawn.

I always disliked the dawn for many reasons. It meant another day was coming; another day to carry on my existence as if I am normal…_human_. It meant that I had to continue to live in my personal purgatory.

But now, my whole perspective on the days had changed… Bella had changed my world; my entire existence. Dawn wasn't viewed as _dreadful_ in my eyes anymore.

Dawn was a new beginning.

I quietly un-wrapped Bella's arms that was around my torso, and went to the window. I glanced at the clock on her bedside table and saw that it was still early. But my family would probably be around the house by now.

The usual routine at the house by this hour is: Carlisle's getting ready for work, putting on his hospital attire, Esme's probably in her study, just looking for anything new to re-decorate, Jasper's probably in his and Alice's room, reminiscing about his past life, maybe reading a book, Rosalie and Emmett are in the garage, Rosalie messes with whatever she can, while Emmett watches her like a love-sick puppy. And Alice… well, quite honestly, Alice is probably waiting for me to return.

Ever since I started coming to Bella's room at night, Alice has seen me just sitting in the corner and staring. And if she thinks that's 'stalking behavior', then she has kept her opinions to herself… but even still, she can't hide thoughts from me.

Alice's _usual_ morning routine is to pick out hers and Rosalie's clothes for school. If she doesn't find anything, or if she "wore this twice_"_ she'd make a quick trip down to the department store in Port Angeles to buy new outfits. Carlisle would just roll his eyes and think, so I'd hear him, _that's Alice…_

Hell yes that was Alice.

But nevertheless, the whole thing was ruined and now Rosalie is mad at me all of a sudden because now, Alice won't pick out her clothes until she sees me.

Thanks, again, Alice.

Since it was Saturday, Rosalie wouldn't really care about me, but the expressions she gave me during the school weeks were definitely some that said, "_Don't mess with me, Edward_."

I looked back to Bella's sleeping face and was mesmerized, once again, by her beauty. The way her porcelain skin looked with her hair wildly around her heart- shaped face; the way she would breathe deeply when she was sound asleep. It all was part of her natural beauty. The kind of beauty that you didn't achieve… no, it's the kind of beauty you're _born _with… the kind that Bella was born with.

I looked away, knowing that I'd never leave if I started to think more about her, and jumped swiftly out her second story window.

With one last look at the house, I began to run in the direction of my house…

*o~*~o*

I could hear the light sounds of the spring near my house, so I slowed my pace, but reached the front door quickly.

I opened the door only to see Alice sitting on the stairs, smiling up at me.

_Right on time, Alice. _I thought to myself.

I approached her, and messed her hair by shaking my hands through it. She grimaced and quickly fixed it right back up again.

I laughed at her reaction.

"Oh, _funny,_ Edward," she said, sarcastically, "But you wouldn't want to mess with me right now, considering I know _all_ your plans for today…"

My laugh subsided, "Alice…" I warned, "Let _me_ be the one to break it to them. I need to make sure that they have at least _some_ ground rules."

She squealed. "I'm just excited that you finally had the guts to invite her to the house!"

"I didn't invite her yet, Alice."

"_Yet,"_ she repeated my words, looking smug.

Damn psychic.

I shook my head, and turned in the direction of Esme's office on the second floor.

_Don't worry, Edward… it'll all be fine, I promise._ Alice thought.

I smiled, and thanked her, silently.

I reached Esme's door, and knocked.

"Come in," her musical voice carried from within the room.

I opened the door and took a seat across from her desk.

Most people would compare this room to a principal's office, by the way the desks and chairs are shaped and positioned, but really, it just reminds me of a boss and an interviewer, applying for a job. Esme's dark, mahogany desk was covered in sketches and blue prints of everything in the house, and some of the extra cabins that we have in the back. Most of them are actually surprisingly pretty big.

"Edward," she looked up to me, "What a nice surprise! I would have thought you'd be in Bella's house right now," she said casually, while looking back down to the paper in her hands, her thoughts going in direction of color schemes.

Oh, my family knew me so well.

"Uh, I was. But I just came home to change and ask you all a favor…"

She put her blue prints down of the room that she was currently designing and looked at me, waiting for me to continue.

"Well," I began, "I was actually going to, uh, invite Bella to our house today…" I stuttered through.

God, I must sound like a complete love-struck fool.

She smiled warmly. "Oh, Edward, that's a lovely idea! I think that we could get the family to behave for an hour or so," she teased.

I rolled my eyes, and smiled. "So, you think it's a good idea? Should I ask her when she wakes up?"

"Well, did you talk to Alice, yet?"

I raised my eyebrows, knowing full well that Esme knew that Alice waited for me every morning now.

She chuckled, softly, "Yes, never mind. But, I actually _do_ think it'll be good, Edward. Think about it… plus, I don't think Bella has been to this side of the town, yet."

"Please, you're just saying that because you'd like to meet her." I smirked, jokingly. "Come on, mom, you know that you can't hide your thoughts from me…"

She looked down, embarrassed. "Well, it doesn't hurt to be a little curious…"

"Don't worry about that, Esme. I think that I will…" she looked up, and smiled, "After I figure out what I could do with Rosalie," her smiled faded, and she sighed.

"Edward, don't be too hard on her… I'm sure that she'll try to be polite…"

"Politeness isn't her issue, Esme. It's her way of dealing with people," I said, grumpily.

"Edward…" she warned.

I sighed, "Okay, I'll talk to her, and I'm sure that whatever she does, Emmett will most likely end up following her, so if you suddenly don't see them this afternoon, don't be surprised."

"Do what you think is best, Edward. And follow you heart," she said, sincerely.

I nodded, indifferently, and headed for the door, but Esme's thoughts stopped me.

_You may think you have no soul… but I think otherwise. Or else you would have never admitted that you loved Bella. I believe in you, Edward._

I sighed, silently, and said a quick good bye to make my way into Carlisle's office.

I knocked, again.

"Come in," he said.

I stepped inside his office, and saw him standing up, putting on his coat.

"Oh, sorry, Carlisle. Are you going somewhere?" I asked.

"Just making a quick trip to the hospital, because there was an emergency call. Why? Did you need something, Edward?"

"I was just coming by to let you know that Bella will be coming here today."

He stiffened, and looked at me. "Edward, is this something you think that she's ready for?"

I scoffed. "Well, she took my news pretty well, and Alice told me that it will be fine. So, I think that it could work."

He relaxed a little at the mention of Alice's name. "And you're sure that Alice has said it would go smoothly?"

"Yes, dad. I promise."

He nodded. "Well, okay then. I also think it's a good idea, then. Besides, don't Jasper and Emmett have that bet? Although Alice seems pretty sure of herself," he chucked, lightly.

I laughed to myself. "Yeah, they both do. Alice says everything will be fine, though, so I don't doubt her. But will you be here?"

He glanced at his watch, "Yes, I believe so."

"Okay, thanks. I guess all that's left to talk to is Emmett… and Rosalie." I added.

He frowned. "Good luck, then."

"Thanks, I'll need it," I said, leaving his office.

I looked to the clock on the wall by the dining room. Bella wouldn't be up now, I still have some time.

I headed for the garage, and stepped inside.

And—_big surprise_, I rolled my eyes—I saw Emmett sitting on my Volvo, while Rosalie was underneath her red convertible tinkering with the parts.

"Hey, bro," Emmett said, nodding his head towards me but not tearing his eyes from Rose.

I chuckled. "Hey, Em, Rose."

I heard a scoff from under the car.

"Em, could I ask you something?"I said, loudly enough for Rosalie to hear.

"Uh, sure."

Rosalie came out from under the car, covered in smudges of oil on her shirt and a little on her face.

Good, I now have her attention.

"Yeah, I was thinking of bringing Bella down to the house today, so I was just letting everyone know." I smirked, knowing full well that Rosalie was fuming right now.

"Really? Sounds cool, man. I'd actually like a chance to meet her properly," he said, grinning.

Rosalie narrowed her eyes at Emmett, and his smile quickly faded. "Edward, are you just doing this to annoy me?"

I scoffed. "Rosalie, _anything_ I do to you is annoying apparently."

"True," she allowed that, "But bringing that _human_ girl into our _home?_ What are you _thinking_?"

"I'm _thinking,_" I mocked her, "that it's time for Bella to meet my family. So if you don't want to meet her, I guess you're not part of it," I said, getting angry at her talking about Bella in that way.

She opened her mouth a little, shocked.

She took a step forward, "You're actually resulting into choosing _between_ us? Edward this is ludicrous! I can't believe that you're allowing this to happen!" she took another step, "I will _not_ sacrifice my life here for that pathetic, human who should have _died!_"

Now, I was _furious_. I wanted to push her away. Emmett probably sensed that and went to stand by my side, gently pushing my shoulders down, trying to calm me.

"Rose, baby, I think that you just, uh, shouldn't be here when she comes," he suggested.

She looked up at him grimacing, her face full of hurt. "Are you picking _her_ over _me_, then?"

His eyes went wide. "What? No! When I said 'you', I mean that I would come with you! Rose, you know that I wouldn't ever leave your side."

She finally took a step back, and replaced her emotions back to her original cold expression. "Fine, if that's the way Edward wants it," she said, acidly. She took her tools, put them back into their shelves, and went into the house without another word.

I narrowed my eyes at the doorway just _knowing_ that this was going to happen. But I still hoped that it didn't have to be this way.

Emmett took a step towards the door, but looked back at me.

He took a big breath, exhaled and scratched his face, worry plainly on his features. "Edward, man, look, I'm so sorry, but I have –"

I held my hands up, stopping him mid-sentence. "No worries, Emmett. Just… make sure Rosalie will be okay?"

Emmett nodded, and headed into the house.

Well that went… _great._ I thought, sarcastically. I just hope this day goes off without another problem.

I went into the house and walked into my bedroom to change and then to make my way to Bella's before she woke up.

*o~*~o*

I got to Bella's at almost 8am, so she would probably be waking up soon. She wasn't the kind of person to sleep in, which is weird, because most teenagers enjoy the weekend _because_ you get to sleep in. but Bella wasn't like 'most teenagers'… she was different…_special._

I jumped up to her window, my hands hitting the window sash, and silently made my way into her room. I could hear Charlie downstairs, grumbling about food, his thoughts were mostly about fishing, so I kind of just tuned it out. He ended up eating a granola bar that was left on the counter and went out to his car – no doubt going fishing today.

She stirred a little in her sleep, meaning that she would awaken soon. I sat down on her rocking chair in the corner of the room, and just waited for her.

I didn't mind waiting for her to wake up, I actually enjoyed watching her sleep. It was peaceful watching Bella's features cross into different emotions and expressions that I normally didn't see every day. And she was very entertaining sometimes. Her dreams seemed, in a way, completely normal. I'd think that since in dreams, you could do anything you want, you'd dream about something impossible… but not Bella. It was normal; quiet and peaceful. It varied from her mom, her home in Arizona, and her life here.

Her talking about Forks is quite hysterical at times. She says that it was too green, or that the rain is too loud. But then it changes… it becomes an expression of care. _Of affection_.

Of _love_.

Of _me_…

She starts to speak my name, with words and phrases like, "I love you…" or "I'll want you forever…"

It sparks deep, hidden emotions in me that I didn't think I'd ever feel. But I don't know how long they'll last…

I looked at her clock again, seeing that it was just 15 minutes past 8.

She started to mumble, so I glanced at her. She moved a little and she smiled, her eyes still firmly closed.

Suddenly, she frowned. She sat up so quickly, her breathing speeding up. "Oh!"

She grabbed her head in her hands to keep from spinning and blinked rapidly, her eyes adjusting to the lights.

I wasn't sure if I should be over there, asking her if she was okay, or if I should just stay seated and wait until she says something.

I decided to stay, with a smile. And maybe I could tease her a little, since she looks pretty confused.

"Your hair looks like a haystack… but I like it." I chuckled.

Her eyes darted straight to mine, and she smiled hugely.

She hastily got off her bed seemingly dazed, that I thought she was going to fall, and ran to me, sitting on my lap. "Edward! You stayed!" she said happily, sighing contently.

That took me by surprise, since she always seemed so careful around me.

Plus, I was away from her for awhile, so her scent hit me again, leaving me breathless – _per se_ – but it didn't hit me as bad as the first day, so that was progress.

She was leaning her head against my shoulder, but then she become rigid and opened her eyes, looking at me, shocked. She started to blush, and I'm sure that she thought she was doing something wrong.

I chuckled, and she relaxed in my arms.

"Of course," I assured her.

She breathed a sigh of relief and leaned her head against my shoulder once more, breathing in deeply. I rubbed my hands in small circles around her back, gently.

"I was sure it was a dream," she said, trance-like.

I raised my eyebrows, and scoffed, "You're not that creative."

She stiffened, and sat up, suddenly running for the door, "Charlie!"

"He left an hour ago" I said to her, "—after reattaching your battery cables, I might add. I have to admit I was disappointed. Is that really all it would take to stop you, if you were determined to go?"

She calmed a little bit, but I could still see that she was worried over something. She couldn't have still been worried over Charlie, right?

She looked like she was having an internal debate, though. Her lips were pursed and she was in deep concentration.

I opened my arms wide again, inviting her back. She only left for about 2 minutes and my arms already felt cold and empty without her.

"You're not usually this confused in the morning," I observed.

"I need another human minute," she said.

Is that what was bothering her? Well, that's certainly nothing to worry about. "I'll wait."

I closed my arms, waiting for her to come back. I could hear her footsteps, half- running to the bathroom. I was lost into my thoughts when I heard her footsteps coming back.

She entered and looked entirely breathtaking. She was definitely a beautiful girl, especially with that blush on her lovely cheeks.

I reached out my arms towards her, and she came willingly.

"Welcome back," I said, softly.

I rocked both of us, with the chair for a while until she broke the comfortable silence.

"You left?" she asked, taking in my change of clothes and my hair that I fixed. It's strange that she'd just notice this now. Well, considering that she seemed a little perplexed when she woke up, it makes sense.

"I could hardly leave in the clothes I came in — what would the neighbors think?" I joked.

She pouted, sticking out her bottom lip a little bit. That was so cute.

"You were very deeply asleep; I didn't miss anything." I guaranteed her, then I decided to tease her a little, "The talking came earlier." I smirked, playfully.

She grimaced, then groaned, annoyed, "What did you hear?"

I went to my memories from last night. Whilst watching her sleep, she had said that she loved me… granted, that wasn't the first time she had said that, but every time that she did, made an even bigger impression on my emotions than the last. Last night, she said it with so much care… so much _love_, that I didn't think it'd be possible to hear. I didn't know if she knew of this yet, or if it was just her subconscious playing mind tricks with her, but I decided to be completely honest.

"You said you loved me." I said softly.

"You knew that already," she mumbled into my shirt, putting her head down.

I could feel the heat emanating off of her, and I knew that she was blushing with embarrassment. But she shouldn't feel embarrassed by this. If anything, she should be terrified.

"It was nice to hear, just the same." Over, and over again… but I wouldn't tell her that, and make her embarrassed again.

She buried her face in my shoulder and whispered to me, "I love you."

My eyes went wide, a little. This was the first time I heard her say it, when she was conscious.

I don't know if _I_ should feel terrified about this.

I was honest with her; "You are my life now."

I could just tell her that I loved her, too. But to me, that wasn't enough.

_No_.

She was my life… my whole reason for even _existing_. I _cannot_ live without her.

We just sat there on the chair, in comfortable silence, and enjoyed each other's company. I wasn't sure of how to ask her if she wanted to come to my house, but I figured that it should be better if she ate… humans tend to act more comfortably around food.

"Breakfast time," I said, breaking the silence.

She gasped, and put both her hands around her neck, her eyes wide and full of horror and fear.

I was shocked! Did she _actually _think that I –?

"Kidding!" she giggled, putting her hands down, "And you said I couldn't act!" she smirked, proud.

Is she serious? She scared the hell out of me!

I let out an irritated breath, "That _wasn't_ funny."

"It was very funny, and you know it," she said, still in a joking mood. She looked deeply into my eyes, knowing that I was annoyed, and gave me an apologetic look, and I instantly forgave her. She was just playing around…

"Shall I rephrase? Breakfast time for the human."

"Oh, okay."

I narrowed my eyes at her casual attitude, and smirked as I picked her up and threw her over my shoulder, gently.

She was complaining the whole way down, but I pretended to not hear her, enjoying _my_ time to play around now.

We got to the kitchen and I sat her on the chair, upright.

"What's for breakfast?" she asked.

"Er," Food? _Real_ food? Is she serious? "I'm not sure. What would you like?" I hesitated.

She smiled, _still_ joking around with me. I can tell this was going to be a good day. She stood up from the chair, and went to the pantry, "That's alright; I fend for myself pretty well. Watch me hunt," she teased.

She went to the refrigerator while I sat down at her small breakfast table, as I did last night. She put some milk into the bowl of cereal she was holding and walked over the other chair, across from me.

"Can I get you anything?" she asked, pleasantly.

I rolled my eyes at her subtle sarcasm. "Just eat, Bella."

I needed to ask her soon… but how? I mean, I didn't want to make her uncomfortable in any way, but I didn't know how else to ask her. Maybe I could just casually bring it up in conversation.

I stared at her chewing that cereal which, by the way, looked extremely _disgusting_. It looks all soggy from the milk, and it probably has absolutely no nutritional value whatsoever. I bet that it would taste just as horrid as that pizza did, that day that I ate to prove to her that I could. It was _repulsive_, and throwing it back up wasn't easy either.

She cleared her throat, "What's on the agenda for today?"

Well… better now than later.

"Hmmm…" I began, "What would you say to meeting my family?" I asked, warily.

She swallowed audibly. She looked…_scared_.

"Are you afraid now?" I asked sounding more hopeful then I would have liked.

"Yes," she confessed, her eyes clearly in fear.

"Don't worry." I smirked, finally happy to have some _rational_ response from her, "I'll protect you."

She looked confused, "I'm not afraid of _them_," my smiled faded, rational response gone… "I'm afraid they won't… _like me_. Won't they be…well, _surprised _that you would bring someone… like _me_… home to meet them? Do they know that I know about them?"

"Oh, they already know everything." I tried to smile sincerely, but thoughts of Rosalie's reaction came back to me, and I'm sure my voice sounded a little harsh. "They'd taken bets yesterday, you know… on whether I'd bring you back, though why anyone would bet against Alice, I can't imagine. At any rate, we don't have secrets in the family. It's not really feasible, what with my mind reading and Alice seeing the future and all that."

She nodded, comprehending, "And Jasper making you feel all warm and fuzzy about spilling your guts, don't forget that."

I smiled at her knowledge, "You paid attention."

"I've been known to do that every now and then," sarcasm dripping out of her voice, "So did Alice see me coming?" she asked.

I stilled my movements in my seat, and tried to look indifferent. I looked away from her, so she couldn't see my eyes, because it was clear that I was livid at this moment.

I can't help it though…

Every time Bella mentions Alice's name with questions of the future, I _always_ think of that day when she was almost crushed by the van, and we had the family meeting.

It was the day Alice had her visions… all visions that would haunt my existence.

Bella, cold, dead, and limp in my arms… her neck, oozing out more blood, as I looked up, and you'd see my eyes… scarlet red…

I shuddered, internally.

And Bella, soft, fragile, _human_, with arms wrapped around Alice, and she was smiling… her brown eyes alight with happiness.

Or worse, Bella, cold, once more… but paler now, and she had her arms wrapped around Alice's torso, holding her close. They looked like the best of friends… everything was okay, until you looked into her eyes… a light honey color… not her _human_ chocolate brown eyes.

All of them were enough to make me want to crush something.

"Something like that," I said, straining to keep my voice under control.

I needed to change the subject… something to keep my mind and anger in control.

I turned to her, suddenly and said the first thing that came into my head. "Is that any good?" I asked, nodding to her cereal. "Honestly, it doesn't look very appetizing."

She looked like she was taken by surprise at my sudden change in mood, "Well, it's no irritable grizzly…" she mumbled, and I scowled at her nonchalant attitude. I stood up, and walked to the widow in the kitchen, and looked into the sun.

Dawn was gone.

Now the day would begin.

I looked on the counter and saw a half- eaten granola bar that Charlie had left here, hurrying to leave on his trip. I smiled to myself at what I was about to tell Bella.

I turned to her, grinning, all traces of my anger completely gone.

"And you should introduce me to your father, too, I think." I said.

"He already knows you," she said, casually, not looking up from her food.

I shook my head, "As your boyfriend, I mean."

Her eyes widened, slightly and she looked to me, "Why?" she asked warily, carrying out the 'y' sound.

"Isn't that customary?"

"I don't know," she said, honestly. "That's not necessary, you know," she paused, looking down, "I don't expect you to… I mean, you don't have to _pretend_ for me." She mumbled through the last of her sentence.

She really thought that I was doing this to _pretend_?

"I'm not pretending." I assured her, giving her a sweet smile.

She pushed away her food, and took her bottom lip in between her teeth. Her face was filled with concern lines, and she was thinking thoroughly.

"Are you going to tell Charlie I'm your boyfriend or not?" I asked, point- blank.

"Is that what you are?" she asked, breathless.

I shrugged. "It's a loose interpretation of the word 'boy,' I'll admit."

"I was under the impression that you were something more, actually," she looked to the table, her face becoming crimson.

I walked towards her, and lifted her chin using the gentlest touch, "Well, I don't know if we need to give him all the gory details," I comforted her, "But he will need some explanation for why I'm around here so much. I don't want Chief Swan getting a restraining order put on me."

I almost laughed at the thought of Charlie trying to ban me from this house. I would always just come through the window, and he wouldn't have the slightest clue.

"Will you be? Will you really be here?" she asked, her eyes apprehensively looking into mine.

I hesitated, "As long as you want me."

"I'll always want you," she said, "Forever." Her voice was completely serious, and I was taken aback.

I touched her cheek with the back of my hand, caressing it gently.

"Does that make you sad?" she whispered.

It truth… I wouldn't be sad over this, because feeling sad, also has regrets… and I'd never be regretful for meeting Bella. Although sometime in the future, that might change… it's all a matter of time, though.

But I'm torn. I've been torn, and I'll always _be_ torn. The love I feel for her has me wanting things that I'd never thought I'd want! _A life._

A life with _her_…

I stared, deep into her eyes, just looking for any trace of regret, or fear that she might have; anything that could get me out of this, and back into reality.

I saw none…

All I saw was care, compassion…

_Love._

I can't leave her. I can't ever, ever even try, because it'll all come crashing down if I do. I can see that.

Everything I feel for her will never go away.

I love her. Intensely so.

"Are you finished?" I asked her softly, changing to subject.

She stood, "Yes."

"Get dressed — I'll wait here."

She went upstairs and I waited in the bottom of the steps.

It wasn't long before I heard her footsteps… I mean, she's not Alice so I knew that it wouldn't take her that long to get dressed. I was prepared to wait that long, anyway.

What I _wasn't_ prepared for though, was her beauty once again striking me.

She came down, wearing a light brown, khaki skirt that came down a little above her knees. A deep blue colored blouse that I recognized as that same one that I loved on our 'first date'. It complimented her porcelain skin beautifully. The blouse hugged to her every curve, whilst keeping it modest. And her hair was now pulled back and high into a ponytail, so I could see her heart shaped face better.

She was utterly _gorgeous_.

"Okay," she announced, when she reached the bottom steps, "I'm decent."

We were about 2 feet apart and I could still feel tingling between us, like that day in the biology room. The urge to pull her to me was unbearable.

I took hold of her hand, and pulled her close to me, my hands at her lower back, while I put my lips near the base of her ear.

I could feel the hair on her arms and neck stand up. "Wrong again," I said, softly at her ear, "You are utterly indecent — no one should look so tempting, it's not fair."

"Tempting how?" she asked, looking down, entirely self- conscious, "I can change…"

I sighed, shaking my head at her irrationality. "You are _so _absurd." I could barely handle this anymore. The way her scent wrapped around me, surrounding me with the temptation; the way her full lips were in view and now that I know what it feels like to touch them, to kiss them, I can barely control myself half of the time.

I pressed my cool mouth to her soft, gentle forehead.

I felt her breath pause, and then she breathed in deeply.

"Shall I explain how you are tempting me?" I asked, whispering into her ear. I slowly dragged my fingers down her spine. I glanced down to her face, and her eyes were closed, so without another thought, I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers.

The kiss—even in the shortest amounts—was the greatest feeling. The way all my emotions were resurfacing, the way every ounce of my body felt like it was on fire.

It was a feeling of being…_human_.

The more I spend with her, the closer my feelings get to those clouded human feelings that have been held inside for over 100 years.

I felt myself really _feel_ the kiss this time.

I parted my lips in the slightest, and suddenly I felt Bella's motionless body collapse under mine.

I opened my eyes abruptly, and saw that I was the one holding up her weight. She was fluttering her eyes, trying to adjust to the lighting, but she looked really pale—well, paler then usual—and her face was a little red.

"Bella?" I asked, frantically awaiting an answer, hoping that she wasn't injured or hurt in any way.

I swear, if I'd _hurt_ her… I think—

"You… made… me… _faint_," she mumbled, cutting my thoughts off, her eyes flickering open.

I exhaled, frustrated, "_What am I going to do with you_?" I asked, "Yesterday I kiss you, and you attack me! Today you pass out on me!" I finish, giving her a shameful look.

She shook her head, laughing lightly and softly.

What is _wrong_ with her? She just _fainted_ and she's _laughing_?

Maybe Carlisle _did_ know some good counselors in this area… I mean, I vaguely remember when I even considered that for her.

"So much for being _good _at everything," I mumbled.

"That's the problem," she muttered, her eyes still looking like they were going to close, "You're _too _good. Far, far too good."

"Do you feel sick?" I asked, concerned. Last time she fainted she looked like she was going to throw up. I didn't want to her to feel like she's obligated to meet my family when she isn't feeling well at all.

She rolled her eyes, weakly, "No — that wasn't the same kind of fainting at all. I don't know what happened. I think I forgot to breathe," she said, shaking her head.

"I can't take you anywhere like this."

"I'm fine," she claimed, "Your family is going to think I'm insane anyway, what's the difference?"

"I'm very partial to that color with your skin," I tell her.

She looked away, blushing. "Look, I'm trying really hard not to think about what I'm about to do, so can we go already?" she mumbled through quickly, still not looking at me.

"And you're worried, not because you're headed to meet a houseful of vampires, but because you think those vampires won't approve of you, correct?" I shake my head at how _ridiculous_ that sounds. But this is Bella I'm talking about.

"That's right," she answers, looking and sounding confident; although, her eyes did widen in the slightest at my casual use of the word, 'vampire'.

I let out a sigh, incredulous at her, "You're incredible." I say, honestly.

I hold out my arm to her – very old- fashioned – and she takes it, encircling her arm through it.

We get to her truck and she grudgingly gives me her keys and walks to the passenger seat. I shake my head at her face, almost into a pout, and take my seat.

I back up into the road, and go down the familiar way that leads to the house. I realized that I never once mentioned where I lived to Bella. It was just outside Forks, not even twenty minutes away. While I drove, I kept my mind on good things. Things that I hope would happen, tonight.

Like Esme accepting her – not that she wouldn't.

Like Carlisle liking her – not that he wouldn't.

Like Emmett not cracking jokes – which, honestly, aren't that funny anymore.

Like Alice keeping away from her – ha! I can't lie to myself, not even in my own thoughts.

Like Jasper keeping his distance…

Like Rosalie keeping her mouth shut…

I just wish this evening would end.

I eyed the Calawah River just ahead of me, as I approached the bridge the cross it. We were no longer in the main part of town, and just on the tip of Forks, now. After driving for a couple of minutes, the houses on the sides of the road stopped coming into view. Now, it was only driving until the end of the road and soon we'll be there.

I glanced at Bella occasionally, and she would be staring at the window in wonder. Esme was right… she _hadn't _come to this part of town at all, yet.

At the end of the road, I saw our lawn come into view, and I took a right into our drive. Bella was in awe at the sight of the house that came before her.

Esme spent years trying to "perfect" the house for us. Though, we all knew she was doing it because she loves it. Decorating, fixing, constructing, whatever you call it – she loves it. It's what she does to pass the time. And it's her passion.

"Wow," Bella breathed, awestruck.

I smiled. Esme would love her already.

"You like it?" I asked.

"It…" she seemed to struggle for words, "…has a certain charm."

I smirked, pulling on her pony tail gently.

I opened the door, and looked at her. "Ready?"

She pursed her lips, "Not even a little bit — let's go." She looked down, self conscious and began fixing her skirt.

I took her hand without a second thought and stopped her, "You look lovely."

She took a deep breath, and nodded shyly as we entered.

The grand foyer was Esme's personal favorite in the house. She would spend countless hours trying to perfect the look. First, she tried the regular walls, with a tan colored paint, and when she didn't like it, she kicked everyone out and started over. Then she went with wood walls, but said that it looked to "enclosed", so again, she kicked everyone out and began again. She said she wanted something timeless… something that looked normal, but still creative; something that we could just look out and see the beautiful river. Then it hit her.

She told everyone to take a day away from the house, and that it was supposed to be a surprise… meaning Alice and I had to leave first. She worked extra hard on not thinking about it, and changing her mind every second so Alice and I couldn't figure it out.

When the family had come home, we all loved it. I swear I even saw _Emmett's_ jaw drop.

The interior was completely re-done. Esme had taken down three separate rooms and made a giant one, replacing the doors with brown, maple arches that looked amazing. Then she single handedly – not that it was hard for her – took the walls out, one by one, and replace them all with glass, so the view was spectacular.

She told us it was her favorite day. When Alice had asked if it was because Emmett had finally shut up, she smiled, and as I read her thoughts I laughed. Esme smirked, knowing that I knew now.

It was the day she surprised Alice and I.

I shook my head, smiling to myself at the memories we'd already had in this house in such a short time.

I looked up at the staircase and saw Carlisle and Esme waiting there, for us.

_Did she like the house, Edward?_ Esme asked.

I gave a short smile, and discreetly nodded in her direction.

She gave herself a mental cheer, and was now fully smiling.

_Edward, Rosalie… um, didn't feel up to this occasion. She and Emmett left for today to go to Alaska. They'll be back tomorrow or so. But, Edward, we need to talk, later._ Carlisle thought.

I nodded at him as well, trying to keep a scoff inside when he mentioned Rosalie's behavior.

So typical.

"Carlisle, Esme," I said, in greeting, "This is Bella."

Carlisle approached her, cautiously, trying not to scare her, "You're very welcome, Bella."

He raised his hands to shake hers and she did as well.

"It's nice to see you again, Dr. Cullen," she said, formally.

"Please, call me Carlisle."

"Carlisle," she said timidly, and I relaxed by her side.

Esme stepped towards her now, and she was already radiating joy. Esme would probably be happy if I had chosen anyone, actually. She only cared for my happiness.

"It's very nice to know you," she said, genuinely, giving her a motherly smile.

"Thank you." Bella said, "I'm glad to meet you, too."

_She's absolutely lovely, Edward. She's perfect for you_

If only Esme knew… I'd have to tell her when we were alone again. That she is perfect. Ingeniously so.

Esme's joy knows no boundaries, does it? I chuckled slightly as Esme blinked at me with the smile still firmly upon her beautiful, placid face.

I looked around at the members of the family that gathered, and took note of two missing members.

"Where are Alice and Jasper?" I asked.

As if on cue, Alice came racing down the stairs, almost skipping with joy towards Bella. Jasper stays behind, and strays to the end of the staircase, only to stop where Carlisle and Esme are standing.

_Don't worry Edward. You need to calm down. Okay? Nothing bad will happen…_ Jasper frowned at me.

I sighed, relaxing as soon as Jasper thought those words. The calming feeling brushed through me, and I immediately felt better.

"Hey! Edward!" Alice squealed, stopping in front of Bella and me.

"Hi, Bella!" she said, enthusiastically. I read her thoughts and before I could say anything – or stop her – she kissed Bella's cheek, and Bella was frozen in her spot.

I become rigid next to her, and mentally reminded myself to get Alice a lesson on keeping personal space to people who they have never met!

She released Bella, and smiled apologetically. "You do smell nice, I never noticed before."

My family was speechless. I wanted to just lock Alice away for the remainder of Bella's visit, but I know that Jasper would probably attack me if I tried.

I looked at him, raising my eyebrows, knowing that he was trying to calm Bella down.

_Don't look at me like that, Edward. And don't even think about hiding Alice – which I know you probably are. Just… let her be. If she gets to be too much, I'll take her somewhere, okay?_

I rolled my eyes, but he was right… I should just let her be… not matter how much it kills me – no pun intended.

Jasper broke the silence. "Hello, Bella."

"Hello, Jasper." She said timidly, keeping her eyes a little away. "It's nice to meet you all — you have a very beautiful home," she added, trying to look at all of us.

Esme smiled. "Thank you," she said, sincerely. "We're so glad that you came."

I smiled, but Carlisle's sudden thoughts took me back into the present.

_Edward, Alice had a vision… there are three new nomads in town… the same ones from last week. She thought that they were on their way to Canada, but they decided to stay in Seattle another week, after they learned that we are here. They're curious about the 'vegetarian clan of the north'…just telling you, in case Alice hasn't already._

I scowled at Alice, and she mouthed, 'Sorry'.

_Don't be mad at Alice, Edward, _he narrowed his eyes. _But I told you this so you could keep a sharp eye out. You never know with nomads; especially the ones that come to the northwest. They always look for trouble because they can walk during daylight hours. Now, are you planning on telling Bella, or keeping it to yourself?_

I nodded.

_Is that a yes to keep it to yourself?_

I nodded once again, annoyed.

_Okay, make sure to be on your guard, Edward. This might become serious, son._

I nodded again. This time, I saw that Bella noticed, but she looked away trying to be inconspicuous. But I don't know if I was just seeing things or if she really did notice our conversation.

Esme noticed our silent conversation and she shook her head at us. She saw Bella gazing at my piano and she smiled internally.

_Uh, oh._

"Do you play?" she asked.

Bella turned to Esme. "Not at all." she said, with a chuckle, "But it's so beautiful. Is it yours?"

"No," Esme laughed, sweetly. But I knew otherwise. She was doing this on purpose. "Edward didn't tell you he was musical?"

Bella's eyebrows furrowed in confusion and she looked at me, accusing me with her eyes. "No," she said, curtly, "I should have known, I guess."

Esme raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"Edward can do everything, right?" Bella questioned.

Jasper snickered in the background, and I looked at him, glaring. He quickly composed himself and got back into being extremely nonchalant.

Esme scowled at me, giving me the usual mom's 'I caught you' look. "I hope you haven't been showing off— it's rude."

Fine. If Esme decided to play around with me, then I would play around with her.

"Just a bit," I teased, laughing.

_Hmm, maybe if you like showing off, then you could play her that song you wrote in her honor._ She thought, smugly.

I narrowed my eyes, playfully.

_I will tell her if you don't…_ she threatened.

"He's been too modest, actually," Bella's voice broke our silent conversation.

"Well…" Esme raised her eyebrows at me, "play for her."

"You just said showing off was rude," I said, using her words against her.

"There are exceptions to every rule," she replied, with a smile.

Bella looked at me. "I'd like to hear you play."

Esme's eyes lit up, and she walked towards me, coming up behind me and gently pushing me to my piano. "It's settled then."

I took Bella's hand and I sat down, pulling her down to sit next to me. I glanced at her, giving her a pleading look.

But her eyes were full of wonder… full of hope. And so I couldn't turn her down.

With a last look at her, I turned to the keys and began playing Esme's favorite song. I had written this one in her honor, admiring her and Carlisle's love over the years.

Throughout the song, Bella's mouth dropped in awe. Her face was full of astonishment, and amazement. I chuckled softly at her reaction.

The room was filled with Esme's favorite and I looked at Bella and winked at her when the song was almost coming to an end.

"Do you like it?" I asked.

Her eyes widened. "You wrote this?"

I nodded. "It's Esme's favorite."

I could still feel Esme, Carlisle and Alice behind us. As I went through all their thoughts, I saw Esme smiling through Carlisle's eyes.

_Thank you, Edward… _so_ much, my darling._ Esme thought.

_Don't worry, Edward. I'll get all the people out of here. _Alice thought.

I shook my head as I saw Alice trying to kick everyone out of the room, through Jasper's eyes. Carlisle rolled his eyes, and took Esme's hand and left, silently and swiftly.

Jaspers shook his head at Alice's persistence, but left too. Leaving Alice alone in the room after her wordlessly begged him for some time.

_Edward, if she tries to kidnap Bella, just give me a call._ Jasper teased.

I smirked.

_Edward?_ Alice thought.

Oh god. What now, Alice?

_Before I leave, I just wanted to say… that I'm happy for you. Truly, truly happy. It killed me each day that I saw you go live your life alone… and shall I say, bitter._ She mocked. _But seeing you now… it's like a different Edward. You look more alive, and… happy. I'm so glad that you found Bella. You found your soul mate, Edward. She's your soul…_

I smiled.

_But Edward…_ she thought seriously,_ all those visions of Bella that I had… they're still there. All the possibilities still exist. Please just be aware that it's your choice. All of them end up differently. Your future isn't set into stone, Edward. Don't be mad at me, or the fact that I mentioned this. It has to be said. But remember that you're my brother, so I wouldn't do anything to intentionally hurt you. _

With a last smile, Alice left the room.

I had to control myself before looking at Bella again. The beginning that Alice had said was fine. But she changed the way everything went the second she mentioned the future.

She knows that I can't handle _her choice_ in the future.

Beside me, Bella shook her head, and closed her eyes.

"What's wrong?" I asked, forgetting about Alice for that moment and was worried that she didn't like it.

"I'm feeling extremely insignificant."

I was left speechless after Alice's inner thoughts to me. But I had to remember that Bella was in the room. Alice's praise gave me all the confidence I needed and I suddenly forgot all my worries, and just focused on the center of my world – _Bella_.

The song began to shift into the lullaby that I had written for her.

She had to know _just_ how much she's important to me; _never _just insignificant.

"You inspired this one," I whispered softly. "They like you, you know," I began, "Esme especially," I smiled.

She looked behind us, and turned back, confused

"Where did they go?" she questioned.

"Very subtly giving us some privacy, I suppose." I tried not to put too much emphasis on the word 'subtle'.

She sighed, unhappily, "_They _like me. But Rosalie and Emmett…"

I frowned at the mention of Rosalie's name.

"Don't worry about Rosalie," I looked into her eyes, trying to convince her. "She'll come around." And she'd _better_, if she ever wants to be on my good side, again.

She raised her eyebrows, "Emmett?"

I scoffed. "Well, he thinks _I'm _a lunatic, it's true, but he doesn't have a problem with you. He's trying to reason with Rosalie."

"What is it that upsets her?"

I exhaled deeply. I didn't know how to phrase this in a way that it wouldn't give away too much on Rosalie's part. I mean, she was on my bad side right now, but I'd never tell her story. It's personal. "Rosalie struggles the most with… with what we _are_. It's hard for her to have someone on the outside know the truth. And she's a little jealous."

"_Rosalie _is jealous of _me_?" She asked disbelievingly.

"You're human," I said, point blank, "She wishes that she were, too."

That didn't give too much away. Though, this was enough 'Rosalie talk' for one day.

"Oh. Even Jasper, though…" she trailed off.

"That's really my fault," I explained, "I told you he was the most recent to try our way of life. I warned him to keep his distance."

Her eyes went wide.

"Esme and Carlisle…?" she asked too quickly.

"…are happy to see me happy." I clarified. "Actually, Esme wouldn't care if you had a third eye and webbed feet. All this time she's been worried about me, afraid that there was something missing from my essential makeup, that I was too young when Carlisle changed me… She's ecstatic; every time I touch you, she just about chokes with satisfaction."

"Alice seems very… enthusiastic." Bella smiled.

My mouth turned into a fine line. I internally controlled my thoughts so I wouldn't be tempted to get up and try to punch something. Like the piano… or the door…

Or the wall.

"Alice has her own way of looking at things," I said, controlling my voice.

"And you're not going to explain that, are you?"

My head whipped in her direction. Her eyebrows were raised and her eyes knowing. I pursed my lips, ashamed.

She knew I was keeping something from her.

I gazed into her eyes, wordlessly pleading her to understand; I couldn't tell her this… not yet. She wasn't ready to hear this, and I most certainly wasn't ready to share it.

Her eyes softened. "So what was Carlisle telling you before?" she changed the subject.

I grimaced, my thoughts from before confirmed. "You noticed that, did you?"

"Of course," she shrugged, almost if it was no big deal for her to notice two vampires having a silent conversation.

"He wanted to tell me some news — he didn't know if it was something I would share with you." I admitted.

"Will you?" she questioned.

I do need to tell her, I guess. Carlisle was right. After thinking about it, Bella has a right to know. "I have to, because I'm going to be a little… overbearingly protective over the next few days — or weeks — and I wouldn't want you to think I'm naturally a tyrant."

"What's wrong?" she asked, wary.

"Nothing's wrong, exactly," I assured her. "Alice just sees some visitors coming soon. They know we're here, and they're curious."

"Visitors?" she repeated.

"Yes…" I answered, "Well, they aren't like us, of course — in their hunting habits, I mean. They probably won't come into town at all, but I'm certainly not going to let you out of my sight till they're gone."

Her breathing picked up a little, and she shuddered.

Did she _actually_ look scared?

"Finally! A rational response!" I muttered to myself, though I think she heard me. "I was beginning to think you had no sense of self-preservation at all."

She looked away; hiding her fear as she did—damn, she was good at that— she was gaping into the foyer again, admiring its beauty and space.

I chuckled. "Not what you expected is it?"

She rolled her eyes. "No," she admitted.

"No coffins, no piled skulls in the corners; I don't even think we have cobwebs… what a disappointment this must be for you," I taunted her.

She ignored my attempt to joke, "It's so light… so _open_."

I remembered Esme's words from that day…

_It's finally finished! Its home, everyone… the one place we never have to hide. It's finally perfect._

"It's the one place we never have to hide," I quoted her, serious.

We were silent as I played her song's final notes and chords. And when I finished, I looked at her, to see her tearing up.

"Thank you," she said, grateful.

When she noticed her tears were now on the verge of falling, she quickly brushed her hands against her eyes blushing, embarrassed.

She missed one on the corner of her eye, and I quickly reached over and dabbed my fingers gently on her face, catching it.

I scrutinized the drop of water on my finger, and without a conscious thought, I took the drop of moisture into my mouth, and tasted it.

Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and she looked mildly amused.

It didn't taste like I thought it would. It was partially the salty taste that wasn't that satisfying. Not that I was planning on drinking her tears. That would be preposterous, and not to mention, extremely creepy.

"Do you want to see the rest of the house?" I asked, changing the mood that came into the room.

"No coffins?" she asked, sarcastically.

I laughed out loud and rolled my eyes. "No coffins," I assured her.

I took a hold of her hand, and guided her through the hallways. We passed many doors and I gestured towards them, pointing out which was which.

"Rosalie and Emmett's room… Carlisle's office… Alice's room…"

I was about to show her Esme's office, but she stopped dead in her tracks gazing in disbelief at the giant wooden cross that Carlisle had hung on the wall.

"You can laugh," I said, at her reaction, "It _is _sort of ironic."

She didn't laugh, but she raised her hand, gingerly and touched the cross, in amazement and wonder.

"It must be very old," she said, in a hypnotic voice, almost to herself.

"I'd say early sixteen-thirties, more or less."I shrugged.

She turned from the cross, and stared at me, "Why do you keep this here?" she asked, curiously.

"Nostalgia. It belonged to Carlisle's father." I explained.

"He collected antiques?" she guessed.

"No. He carved this himself. It hung on the wall above the pulpit in the vicarage where he preached," I said nonchalantly, looking at the carved cross, lost into Carlisle's memories.

Her eyes were wide, in what could have been shock or fear. I couldn't figure out which emotion it was, because she turned her head back to the cross, and gazed at it, almost trying to figure it out like a puzzle.

"Are you all right?" I asked, concerned.

"How old is Carlisle?" she asked, bluntly.

"He just celebrated his three hundred and sixty-second birthday," I said, quietly.

She turned back to look at me, her eyes burning with curiosity. She looked like a little five- year old child, wanting to ask his mother every single question in the world.

I watched her, as I talked, trying to keep my explanations short and harmless. "Carlisle was born in London, in the sixteen-forties, he believes. Time wasn't marked as accurately then, for the common people anyway. It was just before Cromwell's rule, though."

I continued to gaze passively at her, scrutinizing her every emotion so I could go along the story in a way that was okay for her.

"He was the only son of an Anglican pastor. His mother died giving birth to him. His father was an intolerant man. As the Protestants came into power, he was enthusiastic in his persecution of Roman Catholics and other religions. He also believed very strongly in the reality of evil. He led hunts for witches, werewolves… and vampires." She stiffened at the word. I realized that she was okay with everything, but every time that I said that word in her presence, she would grow very still, and be wary.

"They burned a lot of innocent people — of course the real creatures that he sought were not so easy to catch." I continued, her eyes still focused intently on the story.

"When the pastor grew old, he placed his obedient son in charge of the raids. At first Carlisle was a disappointment; he was not quick to accuse, to see demons where they did not exist. But he was persistent, and cleverer than his father. He actually discovered a coven of true vampires that lived hidden in the sewers of the city, only coming out by night to hunt. In those days, when monsters were not just myths and legends, that was the way many lived.

"The people gathered their pitchforks and torches, of course"—I laughed grimly at the thought of putting humans with torches and pitchforks into a room full of blood thirsty, deadly vampires— "and waited where Carlisle had seen the monsters exit into the street. Eventually one emerged."

I looked back to the cross, lost in the story itself and the memories that came from Carlisle's thoughts with it.

"He must have been ancient, and weak with hunger. Carlisle heard him call out in Latin to the others when he caught the scent of the mob. He ran through the streets, and Carlisle — he was twenty-three and very fast — was in the lead of the pursuit. The creature could have easily outrun them, but Carlisle thinks he was too hungry, so he turned and attacked. He fell on Carlisle first, but the others were close behind, and he turned to defend himself. He killed two men, and made off with a third, leaving Carlisle bleeding in the street."

I stopped, checking my wording. I almost slipped and told her the truth about when Carlisle was jumped. Even I couldn't say this to her. It would shock her.

That second that the vampire turned to Carlisle, he screamed in Latin for the creature to keep away. But the vampire was hungry and weak. He turned to bite Carlisle's neck but stopped suddenly and killed two other men that were behind Carlisle, and drank the blood if the third, leaving his body completely drained, pale, and lying on the streets on London. The vampire turned back to Carlisle and bit him on the arm, neck, and leg, violently… deathly… monstrously.

He had left Carlisle 'dying', bleeding excessively, on the street.

"Carlisle knew what his father would do. The bodies would be burned — anything infected by the monster must be destroyed. Carlisle acted instinctively to save his own life. He crawled away from the alley while the mob followed the fiend and his victim. He hid in a cellar, buried himself in rotting potatoes for three days. It's a miracle he was able to keep silent, to stay undiscovered.

"It was over then, and he realized what he had become."

A vampire. A cold, deadly, soulless creature that was damned for eternity.

But I wouldn't tell her that. She just found out part of Carlisle's story, she doesn't have to know _all_ of my thoughts.

I was going to continue, but I glanced at her, in question. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," she promised me. But she then took her bottom lip between her teeth, and her eyes still burned with curiosity. It was almost cruel for me to tell her this and not finish the story.

I smiled knowingly. "I expect you have a few more questions for me." I teased.

"A few," she teased back, smiling.

I grinned at her choice of words, "Come on, then." I took a hold of her hand and walked us over to the door of Carlisle's office, with a plan. We stopped in front of the door, and her eyes were lit up with excitement and hesitation, "I'll show you."

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**Thank you all for reading! :) Gosh, that was long huh? *phew***

**I'd like to thank me beta, Jen, because without her, my story would be shiiiiiii….**

**And my new beta, Shena (UndelvedInterpretations) because she is such an amazing writer, and is now my hero :) Thank you SO much, hun. ILY tons.**

**_Shena, Сериозно, ценам сето она што го правите:) Ви благодарам за се голем пријател и неверојатен човек. Љубов кон тебе!_ (yeah, I stole your language thing at the end, don't kill me xD)**

**Until next time,**

**xo, Juli**

**.**


	6. Chapter 18 Carlisle

**Hey everyone!**

**I know... 2 updates in one month? Yes, I'm on a roll ;) haha**

**So this will most likely be second to last update. Vacation will began in early July, so if I can write another chapter before that, I'll post it soon. **

**I think that this chapter is actually very important for the series, and was dissapointed when it wasn't in the movie, so I really hope that I gave you a glimpse of what I _think _Edward might have gone through at this point.**

**Again, thanks everyone for the wonderful support I recieve each and every chapter!**

**Some shoutouts to:**

**-Layfra02: Muchas gracias por sus amables palabras. Espero que disfruten el resto de la historia!**

**-bellasdiary[dot]com: Krystal, your friendship is amazing :) You're _very _talented at writing, and it always makes me feel incredible when you compliment my work :) Thank you, hun**

**My blog will always keep you updated on posts, and teasers every day. I post new things alot. Check it out sometime!**

**www[dot]risingmidnightsun[dot]blogspot[dot]com**

**(Believe it or not, this is not 16 pages long and more than 10,000 words :) Its only 8 pages)**

_Disclaimer: I am _**_not_**_ Stephenie Meyer. This is _**_not_**_ the real "Midnight Sun." It is my interpretation. Do not steal my work, I work very hard on it. All copyrights go to Stephenie Meyer and you may read her first 12 chapters on her website, found on my profile._

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18. Carlisle

I took her hand in mine as she gazed at me, her eyes curious and anticipative. I stopped in front of the door and heard Carlisle's voice ring, "Come in."

When I opened the door, I noticed Bella take in the room excitedly. Carlisle's office had a tall ceiling; long glass windows – like most of the house, courtesy of Esme – and two of the walls were stacked with hundreds of books. Many of them, the family had already read more than once...

Carlisle was sitting in his high mahogany, leather chair behind his desk. Before he bookmarked the page of the book he was reading, I scanned the title.

Hmm, Carlisle is reading this again? War and Peace, a Russian 19th century novel by Leo Tolstoy. It descriptively narrates the story leading up to Napoleon Bonaparte's invasion of Russia and the impact of the Napoleonic era on Tsarist society. The story is all told through the point of view from the rich Russian aristocrats.

And Carlisle is reading it in the original Russian version, though I know he had already read the French a few years before he read the English translated copy. He had told me that once a book has been translated, it shows that the world isn't as different as we may think it to be… that books can not only unite many languages together, but can bring people together.

I just think that Carlisle can be very poetic at times.

I tried to read it a few years ago, on Carlisle's recommendation, but it didn't hold as much interest for me, like he had. I assume he appreciates it more since he _lived_ during the time... The man has so much knowledge.

"What can I do for you?" he asked, bringing me back to the present.

"I wanted to show Bella some of our history," I explained. "Well, your history, actually." I clarified.

"We didn't mean to disturb you," Bella quickly said, timidly.

Carlisle shook his head. "Not at all. Where are you going to start?"

"The Waggoner," I replied.

I took Bella's shoulder and rounded her to face the wall on her left. She blushed again, though this time, I have no idea what I did to make her do that.

This was the only wall without bookshelves. Instead, it held many frames. Some were of paintings, some of actual photographs. They were all placed according to size and color – this time, courtesy of Alice – and some were ones that Carlisle actually took.

I pulled her to the far left of the wall, while she tried to observe every picture set before her. Now, she was staring at a smaller picture; an oil based painting that was Carlisle's hometown.

"London in the sixteen-fifties," I answered her unspoken question.

"The London of my youth," Carlisle stated from behind us. Bella flinched underneath my hands, taken back by Carlisle's closeness. I squeezed her hand in reassurance.

"Will _you _tell the story?" I asked Carlisle.

He smiled at Bella, then looked at me. "I would, but I'm actually running a bit late. The hospital called this morning — Dr. Snow is taking a sick day. Besides, you know the stories as well as I do." He smirked.

_I won't be long. I didn't know that I would have to be back in today. I'm sure that you can tell the story well, Edward. Just take a trip into my mind again._

I chuckled. As if I didn't _ever_ take "a trip down his mind."

Carlisle smiled at Bella again and nodded at me a goodbye, then left the room without neither a glance nor thought.

"What happened then?" she asked, her mind still on the story. Her cheeks were tinged red when she noticed I was staring at her. "When he realized what had happened to him?"

I turned back to all the paintings, looking at one in particular. A small, empty meadow that was less colorful than the other paintings.

"When he knew what he had become," I whispered, "he rebelled against it." I said, remembering all of Carlisle's memories. "He tried to destroy himself. But that's not easily done."

"How?" she asked, breathless.

"He jumped from great heights," I replied, "He tried to drown himself in the ocean… but he was young to the new life and very strong. It is amazing that he was able to resist… feeding..." – Hopefully, my explanations wouldn't bother Bella. The details are quite gruesome – "...while he was still so new. The instinct is more powerful, then it takes over everything." I quietly exhaled, exasperatedly. "But he was so repelled by himself that he had the strength to try to kill himself with starvation." I shook my head at Carlisle's incredible determination.

"Is that possible?" she asked, her voice soft and shaking a little.

"No, there are very few ways we can be killed."

I knew that by just leaving it at that, Bella would ask how we would be killed. So I spoke quickly before she could ask.

"So he grew very hungry and eventually weak. He strayed as far as he could from the human populace, recognizing that his willpower was weakening, too. For months he wandered by night, seeking the loneliest places, loathing himself."

Carlisle was the strongest vampire I'd ever met. He was so determined to destroy himself, that he didn't care about anything. About food, his home… _His life. _Especially now with Bella, it amazes me how he managed to remain abstinent for so long.

"One night, a herd of deer passed his hiding place. He was so wild with thirst that he attacked without a thought." I remember it, like it was _me_. The time Carlisle first tasted the animal's blood; his instincts took over, completely. He wasn't the pastor's son, anymore... he was a vampire, a creature that was feeding on blood to live. I can remember how his coal black eyes were hungry and lethal with thirst... "His strength returned and he realized there was an alternative to being the vile monster he feared." I paused. "Had he not eaten venison in his former life?" I muttered to myself, but quickly got back to the story. "Over the next months his new philosophy was born. He could exist without being a demon. He found himself again.

"He began to make better use of his time. He'd always been intelligent, eager to learn. Now he had unlimited time before him. He studied by night, planned by day. He swam to France and —"

"He _swam _to France?" Bella's curiosity broke my story telling.

"People swim the Channel all the time, Bella," I reminded her.

"That's true, I guess. It just sounded funny in that context." She pursed her lips. "Go on."

I smiled, patiently. "Swimming is easy for us —"

"Everything is easy for _you_," she mumbled, rolling her eyes.

Then she pressed her lips into a thin line and glanced at me. I looked at her, raising my eyebrows, secretly amused by all her talking.

"I won't interrupt again, I promise," she said apologetically.

I chuckled, "Because," I continued, looking at her, "technically, we don't need to breathe."

"You —" she began.

"No, no," I interrupted, with a laugh, pressing one finger against her mouth, "you promised. Do you want to hear the story or not?"

"You can't spring something like that on me, and then expect me not to say anything," she mumbled against my finger.

I removed my hand from her lips and placed it on the shoulders. Her breathing picked up a little and she glanced at me.

"You don't have to _breathe_?" she asked, incredulously, a little flustered.

I shrugged. "No, it's not necessary. Just a habit."

She softly scoffed. "How long can you go… without _breathing_?"

"Indefinitely, I suppose; I don't know." I mused, "It gets a bit uncomfortable — being without a sense of smell."

Like many times that I didn't breathe in that biology room, because of her. It was uncomfortable, yes, but like I always say: As I burn, she lives.

"A bit uncomfortable," she repeated.

_As I burn… she lives._

That's my mantra. Whenever it gets too hard, all I do is reiterate this over and over again, like a religious chant. But as much as I may think that _I'm_ the one hurting… what about her? What if she finally has enough and leaves me? What if it all comes crashing down to her and comes to her senses? What if she realizes I can't give her a normal life and becomes unhappy with me? What if—

"What is it?" she whispered, looking deep into my eyes, noticing my change in mood.

I looked down and sighed. "I keep waiting for it to happen."

"For what to happen?"

"I know that at some point, something I tell you or something you see is going to be too much. And then you'll run away from me, screaming as you go," I confessed, giving a small smile. "I won't stop you," I said somberly. "I want this to happen, because I want you to be safe. And yet, I want to be with you. The two desires are impossible to reconcile…" I trailed off.

"I'm not running anywhere," she promised, her voice serious and strong.

I glanced back at her; her face full of certainty. "We'll see," I said ominously.

She grimaced. "So, go on — Carlisle was swimming to France."

I cleared my throat, shook my head to clear out these dark thoughts, and turned to look at another picture hanging on the wall.

This one was much bigger and it held most of Carlisle's memories. It held good, bad, and unforgettable things for Carlisle, and so he kept this painting as a reminder of _why_ he is the way he is.

The faces of the Volturi stared back at me. All three with long, black swirling robes reaching the floor. Their faces expressed no emotion… no regret… no mercy.

Carlisle was standing in the back, not a part of the three men, but a part, nonetheless.

Bella was gazing at the picture, intriguingly.

"Carlisle swam to France, and continued on through Europe, to the universities there," I continued, looking at the picture. "By night he studied music, science, medicine — and found his calling, his penance, in that, in saving human lives." As I spoke, I noticed more of my admiration of my father swept through my voice. "I can't adequately describe the struggle; it took Carlisle two centuries of torturous effort to perfect his self-control. Now he is all but immune to the scent of human blood, and he is able to do the work he loves without agony. He finds a great deal of peace there, at the hospital…"

Bella was so into the story that her eyes wandered onto other paintings. I was also lost into Carlisle's thoughts that I had to remind myself that I had to finish telling Bella the story. I flickered my eyes open a few times to focus, once more and I tapped the Volturi painting, with my finger, bringing her back, as well.

"He was studying in Italy," I continued, "when he discovered the others there. They were much more civilized and educated than the wraiths of the London sewers."

Bella breathed a laugh as she saw Carlisle standing in the corner of the painting.

"Solimena was greatly inspired by Carlisle's friends," I said, careful not to emphasize the word 'friends' too much. "He often painted them as gods," I chuckled darkly, rolling my eyes, "Aro, Marcus, Caius." I pointed them out, one by one. "Nighttime patrons of the arts."

"What happened to them?" she inquired, her fingers tracing the three small figures in the painting.

"They're still there," I answered. "As they have been for who knows how many millennia." Her eyes widened. "Carlisle stayed with them only for a short time, just a few decades. He greatly admired their civility, their refinement, but they persisted in trying to cure his aversion to 'his natural food source,'" —I said bitterly,—"as they called it. They tried to persuade him, and he tried to persuade them, to no avail. At that point, Carlisle decided to try the New World. He dreamed of finding others like himself. He was very lonely, you see.

"He didn't find anyone for a long time. But, as monsters became the stuff of fairy tales, he found he could interact with unsuspecting humans as if he were one of them. He began practicing medicine." Again, I realized I spoke of him in awe. "But the companionship he craved evaded him; he couldn't risk familiarity.

"When the influenza epidemic hit, he was working nights in a hospital in Chicago." My voice softened in tone. Carlisle's story was now shifting into _my_ own story. "He'd been turning over an idea in his mind for several years, and he had almost decided to act — since he couldn't find a companion, he would create one. He wasn't absolutely sure how his own transformation had occurred, so he was hesitant. And he was loath to steal anyone's life the way his had been stolen." He used to blame that vampire in the streets of London, for stealing his life away from him. But it's strange to think of Carlisle almost… despising someone. He always tells me that it wasn't _him_ that he hated… it's the way that his life seemed to be stolen from him. But after he had met Esme, he never once complained again. Whether it was aloud or his thoughts. "It was in that frame of mind that he found me. There was no hope for me; I was left in a ward with the dying. He had nursed my parents, and knew I was alone. He decided to try…" My voice was now a whisper.

I looked out the windows that were facing the small creek in the back of our yard, as I remembered my transformation with perfect clarity. My thoughts were swirling in thousands of directions.

My memories… Carlisle's… my pain… his thoughts… it was all overwhelming.

After I was turned, I had to wrap my mind around the many possibilities of what happened, until Carlisle came in, and explained what happened… what I had become.

I silently sighed and turned to Bella, softly smiling at her. The past was permanent and irreversible. But it brought me to this moment with Bella, who was undoubtedly my future.

"And so we've come full circle," I finished, concluding the story.

"Have you always stayed with Carlisle, then?" she wondered.

"Almost always," I said, nonchalantly, wrapping an arm around her waist as I led her toward my bedroom.

I was hoping that she wouldn't push the subject any more. But, then again, this was _Bella_ I was talking to.

"Almost?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.

I sighed, irritated with myself for being so technical. "Well, I had a typical bout of rebellious adolescence — about ten years after I was —" I paused, re-wording my phrase, "… born… created, whatever you want to call it," I hastily said. "I wasn't sold on his life of abstinence, and I resented him for curbing my appetite. So I went off on my own for a time."

"Really?" she asked, curious again.

"That doesn't repulse you?" I wondered.

"No," she simply said.

"Why not?" I pressed on. There _must_ be something wrong with her.

"I guess…" She bit her bottom lip. "It sounds reasonable."

I laughed at her attitude. Only Bella!

"From the time of my new birth," I said, almost to my room, "I had the advantage of knowing what everyone around me was thinking, both human and non-human alike. That's why it took me ten years to defy Carlisle — I could read his perfect sincerity, understand exactly why he lived the way he did."

I was lost into my own thoughts now.

The thoughts of those people.

The thoughts that they all had right before I killed them.

My past was… unquestionably the time that I wasn't proud of.

Telling Bella everything was _definitely_ not according to plan, at least about _my_ past. Carlisle was such a pure… _person_… that his story was easy to tell. But mine? It would make her run screaming like I always expect her to.

"It took me only a few years to return to Carlisle and recommit to his vision." His dedication to his plan was outrageous… but I tried. "I thought I would be exempt from the… depression… that accompanies a conscience. Because I knew the thoughts of my prey, I could pass over the innocent and pursue only the evil."

Jasper and I were alike in this situation. He and I felt guilty for every human we ever killed. Jasper _felt_ their pain… he _felt _their fear… it was very difficult for him. But _I_ had their thoughts… I knew exactly what they were thinking about the second that I killed them. About their family, their jobs, their children… about their _life_.

I looked down, my voice lower now. "If I followed a murderer down a dark alley where he stalked a young girl — if I saved her, then surely I wasn't so terrible," I said, remembering the night I saved Bella from those… _despicable_ men — if 'men' was even a deserving word.

We continued to walk and came to a stop in front of my door. "But as time went on, I began to see the monster in my eyes," I said quietly. "I couldn't escape the debt of so much human life taken, no matter how justified. And I went back to Carlisle and Esme. They welcomed me back like the prodigal. It was more than I deserved." I shook my head.

She was looking at me with sympathy and care. It _was_ more than I deserved. I cleared my throat. "My room," I said, motioning to my bedroom door, in front of us.

We entered and she sauntered throughout my room. She gazed incredulously at how much music I had on the western wall, facing sideways from the giant glass windows that opened like doors – again, thanks to Esme.

I was just looking at her, looking around the room. Her posture was guarded, but still relaxed.

She turned to me and smiled. "Good acoustics?"

I chuckled softly and nodded at her. I grabbed the radio remote that was on my black coach and pressed the 'play' button. The stereo began playing very soft, low jazz music that I was listening to the day before. She smiled and turned back to the records and albums that were stacked against the wall.

She looked so beautiful, humming along to the music that she probably didn't know. She was looking at each CD, carefully scrutinizing my taste in music. She stopped at my classical section, where I kept my most favorite piano music that I loved to play.

I thought of when I played my piano to her downstairs just a while ago... The way her eyes were full of emotion when I finished playing her lullaby. She cried… tears of joy, pride, and love. She was so happy at the moment that it made me feel completely content. The way her eyes were full of amazement in the song, was overpowering. It was all just an amazing moment for me, and for her.

"How do you have these organized?" she asked me, breaking my thoughts.

"Ummm.." I quickly shook my head to return to the present. "...by year, and then by personal preference within that frame."

She was about to turn back, but she caught me gazing at her.

"What?" she asked, self conscious.

"I was prepared to feel… relieved. Having you know about everything, not needing to keep secrets from you." I admitted. "But I didn't expect to feel more than that. I _like _it. It makes me… happy." I sheepishly smiled.

Her eyes softened, and she smiled, sincerely. "I'm glad."

She can't be happy though… not _fully_ happy. There are so many secrets, so many thoughts, and so many things that would eventually make her feel like she can't handle it. I'm just anticipating the heartbreaking day that she realizes this.

She raised her eyebrows. "You're still waiting for the running and the screaming, aren't you?"

I let out a breath, smiling and shaking my head at her casual attitude. I smiled sadly and nodded.

"I hate to burst your bubble, but you're really not as scary as you think you are." She said, turning back to the music. "I don't find you scary at all, actually," she admitted, tracing some CD's with her hands.

My face contorted. My mouth gaped, my eyes widened, and my eyebrows shot straight up. She turned back, wary now, of my expression, as my mouth twisted into a mischievous smile.

"You _really _shouldn't have said that," I teased her.

As I stepped forward, she hesitantly took a step back. I crouched down, my smile turning more wicked as the seconds passed. I slipped a small, playful growl and watched her eyes bulge out. She was backing up slowly.

"You wouldn't," she warned.

I moved my eyes suggestively, enjoying messing around with her.

I leaped from my spot, grabbing her in midair, and both of us fell on my black, leather couch. I heard her squeal, and my smile grew.

I leaped and grabbed her midair. We crashed against my coal, leather couch together. The impact of our force caused it to graze against the wooden floors and into the wall. I pinned her against me, wrapping both of my arms tightly around her, not letting her have any room to wiggle out. Bella failed to find a way out of my arms. She looked at me frightened eyes, but it melted away as she noticed the humor in mine. I shamelessly grinned as she realized there was no escaping my cage.

"You were saying?" I joked.

"That you are a very, very terrifying monster," she replied breathlessly, though I could still hear her sarcasm.

I chuckled, grinning. "Much better."

After a minute of me smiling, and her finally calming down, she broke the silence.

"Um," she muttered. "Can I get up now?"

I laughed, throwing my head back against the sofa.

_What is all this noise?_ I heard from outside my door. I recognized the thoughts as Alice's, though I could feel Jasper's presence next to her.

She knocked on the door. "Can we come in?" she asked.

Bella heard, and tried to leave my embrace, but I didn't let her have that. I readjusted myself so that she was sitting on my lap, my arms still very protectively around her. I could feel the heat emanating from her skin as she blushed a deep crimson. I chuckled at her embarrassment. But I didn't feel any. There wasn't anything to be embarrassed about.

"Go ahead," I called out to Alice.

My sister practically leaped inside and then scooted to a stop a few feet away from us. She smirked as she took us in – my amused smile and tousled hair, Bella's abashed pink face and speedy heartbeat.

Jazz stopped at the door, his eyes widening in shock as he saw my arms wrapped around Bella

_Edward… are you okay…?_ he asked.

I grinned at him as reassurance. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion and he shook his head, slightly.

"It sounded like you were having Bella for lunch, and we came to see if you would share," Alice chirped.

Bella stiffened in my arms and I laughed at both of their absurdity. Alice's comment and Bella's fear.

"Sorry, I don't believe I have enough to spare," I said, tightening my hold on her. I felt Bella relax in my arms, as she realized we were being humorous.

Alice rolled her eyes. _Love struck, fool, _she thought.

I grinned at her.

"Actually," Jasper announced from the door, smiling at Alice's comment, "Alice says there's going to be a real storm tonight, and Emmett wants to play ball. Are you game?" he challenged.

_Yes!_ Nothing like some vampire baseball, Cullen style. I shook my head at my own ridiculous thoughts.

I hesitated, though. Bella wouldn't want to go watch us play a game. But I couldn't leave her, either…

Alice noticed my internal conflict.

"Of course you should bring Bella," she suggested.

I smiled and looked at her, "Do you want to go?" I asked, hopeful she would agree.

Her eyes softened. "Sure. Um, where are we going?"

"We have to wait for thunder to play ball — you'll see why."

I smirked at Alice, whose expression was smug. Damn her perfect pitches.

"Will I need an umbrella?" Bella asked.

All three of us burst out in laughter and Bella blushed, embarrassed.

Then Jasper stopped, confused. "Will she?" he asked Alice, in a low voice.

She giggled. "No. The storm will hit over town. It should be dry enough in the clearing." _So absolute in herself_, I ridiculed.

"Good, then," Jasper said, excitedly. Then I felt Bella unwind in my arms, no doubt Jasper's doing.

"Let's go see if Carlisle will come," Alice piped. She nearly skipped out of my room.

"Like you don't know," Jasper said sarcastically, following her out. I heard Alice laughing as they went to call Carlisle.

"What will we be playing?" Bella asked.

"_You _will be watching," I corrected, raising my eyebrows. "We will be playing baseball."

She rolled her eyes and pursed her lips. "Vampires like baseball?" she questioned, almost trying to hold back a laugh.

I shrugged. "It's the American pastime."

She laughed out loud, trying to pry my arms open now, and this time I let her.

We lifted ourselves off of the couch and she glowed at me. I smiled at her expression, took her hand in mine and she left my room, while I followed quickly after her, closing my door.

I heard Emmett getting the baseball gear from downstairs and the family chatting excitedly.

Now, the _real_ fun can begin.

* * *

**So, a short but nice chapter concluded :)**

**I'd like to thank my beta, Jen [JFresshhh] who I seriously can't live without half of the time. **

**Jen, YOU ARE MY HERO. My IMPROVEMENTZ needs IMPROVEMENTS. MY WORDZ SUX AND I CAN'T EVAH RITE, RIGHT! THANX FUR FIXIN MY CRAP STOREH!**

**LOL, that was definitely an inside joke... More twitter tonight, Jen? ;)**

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**Thanks everyone! **

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**Much love,**

**-Juli**

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